swallowing my tongue: regurgitations of the love sick

and i am so so sad that my chest aches. i toss and turn in the middle of my bed whilst i grind and bare my teeth to overpower the weight that will concave my ribs.

and as tears fall from my shallow eyes my throat closes up and i feel a numbness wash over me i have only ever felt crossfaded. i feel as though my tonsils will swell and suffocation will visit to take me away.

my head is dizzy and my eyes cannot focus properly, my breathing is shaken and uncertainty turns my blood blue, i have not willingly bled in years but if i was still encased in glass coffins of addictions i know where i would be once again.

i thought you were oxygen for my deprived soul but as i begin to root to the ground and my flesh hardens to bark and my limbs stiffen i see now you were not made for my consumption and i needed some other inhalant to live, another that is easy for weakness to digest.

and as i peel the skin off my back and my spine is exposed, feathers sprout from muscle and wings will replace my need for legs and i will glow evermore and you will be afraid to touch me.

perhaps that's how it should've been from the start.

emotional barriers are not something i cannot construct, perhaps physical ones must manifest organically.