Losing

What I truly love about my friend group is how different we all are. Our family structures, interests, and opinions were different but respected from elementary to high school. Which is why it hurt me so much that in college our differences seemed to break us apart. One of my friends got closer to God and didn't like parties, which is fine to me with anxiety, but it felt like she didn't want to be around me anymore but rather those with the same religious background. Another friend was offended that someone in our circle asked her about shrooms and stated she felt we were growing apart and left our gc. If your the only one who has done it in our friend group, of course you're the one I trust to ask about it! Then lastly another friend called me stuck up. If you're a black woman with anxiety, you already know how you being nervous in the corner of the room, comes off to everyone else as "you think you're better than everyone else and have an attitude"🙄. Of course that hurt me because after all this time, that's what you think of me? You don't know my heart? 

During covid, I went through a phase of grieving all 3 friendships. We still have a gc and meet up for dinner once in a while so it's not possible for me to completely grieve them, but I am still grieving what we were. I would say I'm in the depression stage. When we make plans to meet (Like we did a week ago) I cry for a few days before and have a whole conversation in my head of what I want to say but never do. Hopefully one day we can have the conversation and come back together like Molly and Issa.

I never blogged before and don't know what I'm doing exactly, but I'm ready to learn, grow and share