RAWBLOG: Movie Review: #1 Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

*RAWBLOG: Movie Review: #1 Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

For my first blog post I thought: why not make one about my all time favourite horror movie? Well, ladies and gents. I've arrived, seen, and undoubtably *will* conquer.

This is a half- ramble/plot point synopsis/anecdotes/satirical commentary. I won't be spoiling the *entire* movie, but I will bring up a lot of important details when it comes to the movie and it's surrounding controversies, including my own opinion on the matter.

*This blog is not meant to be viewed by lowbrow maniacal purity culturists. Just like AO3, if you don't like what you read, don't comment. A.K.A, if you find yourself enraged or disturbed by the subject matter, this blog isn't meant for you.

*To preface this: Cannibal Holocaust is a movie meant for audiences over the age of 18. It includes: hyper-realistic splatter/gore to the highest degree, gruesome depictions of S#?!@€% Assault, s€x & nudity, real life animal cruelty/death, frightening & intense scenes.*

After having read the warning, you might find yourself thinking: Why even watch a movie like "cannibal holocaust"? Rawschach, are you a sick f#&%ing creep who likes dissecting small animals for fun? God, I sure wish that were true, that would explain why I would put myself through 1 hour and 38 minutes of pure horror-p#&n! Despite this being my favourite movie (having rewatched it twice already). I don't think I could stand another second of it.

Hey here's a fun tip! Grab yourself a cold hard @lc0h0lic beverage. Several at that(you're going to need it)! Because the dialogue in this movie is so abhorrently corny a few drinks in you've already lost the plot and get to laugh at how 4 suburban jackasses get mauled by amazonian tribespeople. It's a treat if you're in good company(i.e. the bad kind of weird people).

What's crazy about this movie is that the guy who made it(Ruggero Deodato - 1939-2022) was arrested and had to plead with the Italian court that he was *not* guilty of several counts of murder because the violence in the movie was so unbelievably realistic, that just like OJ Simpson he quote "had to have done it". Even more f#&%ed up is the fact he wanted the lead actors to *by contract* go into hiding for a year after the movies release to "hold up the facade", which didn't go very well for our friend Ruggero when it came down to it. By it, I mean the murder charges, which weren't dropped until he dragged the actors out of hiding, including having to reproduce many of the cinematic effects and the beloved impaled with a stake through the mouth down to the @$$H#&€ trick. Apparently the actor was sitting on a bicycle seat with a piece of basil wood sticking out of her mouth; seriously, who comes up with this s&#%? Our dear friend Deodato of course, and his big cast of colorful friends: the film's producers, screenwriter, and a United Artist representative. Who by the way, were fined a hefty sum and given a four month suspended sentence after being convicted of obscenity(you know, for the animal cruelty).

You know, and for some odd reason a lot of countries around the world just aren't a big fan of this movie, man I just can't put my finger on the found footage s%&ff film. So if you're a professional gatekeeper, you'll *love* this movie. It's banned in over 50 countries world-wide, so if you ever want to be a douchebag, you could rub it in the face of all your friends who don't fall into the demographic of middle-aged men who at the ripe age of *underaged* stayed up too late and caught a glimpse of "Cannibal Holocaust", scarring their youthful malleable mind forever. 

What was the point of "Cannibal Holocaust (1980)". The movie is largely a criticism of society and its tendency to look down on and dehumanize indigenous populations for their *lack of technological* or seemingly *cultural* and *moral* development. As goes the quote by professor Professor Harold Monroe: "I wonder who the real cannibals are." Those who encroach and belittle tribal communities will inevitably pay the piper. Though as it stands in history, the victors are often the ones who live long enough to write about it.

Here's an interesting anecdote pulled directly from my life: After watching the movie, I was pretty amped up with anxiety and paranoia. I'm the type to coincidentally get myself a little treat after a traumatic event. So off I went into the local shop. At the till I spotted some poor-mans knock-off kinder eggs, knowing that I myself was a *poor man*, I decidedly bought one despite the egregious price(1€ something, Seriously? What has the economy come to?). Getting back to the dorms I unwrapped by fat chocolate egg to discover that inside my price for all of it was a turtle, which was dissected through the middle with a few nubs you could use to put it back together. For those uncultured few, it's a "Cannibal Holocaust" reference, like you'd know anything about the film you douche. Suffice to say that was the craziest coincidence I had ever come across and honestly makes me think it was a sign from God that my place in the afterlife is for certain in hell.

In conclusion: have we learned anything significant about the plot of this film? No. Did you just read several paragraphs of a questionably mentally sound individual going off on a tangent that really had no point to it? Yes. Did you find sudden vague glimpses into a pseudo-intellectual mind more entertaining than the ADHD mind off of medication? Yes? Get OFF my blog LOSER! Did you spot any grammatical or spelling errors that really pet your peeve? Yes? because I can't *STAND* criticism and by god my trigger finger is locked and loaded already floating above the block button if I receive any comments mentioning to it. Did I say something egregiously offensive that it falls out of the category of satirical commentary that really bothers you and you wish to inform the OP that they should definitely rewrite a sentence or two in their blog? Yes? Go ahead, I am open to constructive criticism when it comes to sensitivities outside of the context of "Cannibal Holocaust"(i.e. incorrect/offensive terminology). No I am not deleting the OJ Simpson reference, this entire post is cruxed on the fact that it was so funny that you forgot how boring the rest of the review was.

*RAWBLOG: Movie Review: #1 Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

RATING: ★★★☆☆

In short, do I recommend the average movie conissuer to watch "Cannibal Holocaust"? No. Seeing this from the perspective of someone who could give an unbiased view of the movie, It's a solid three stars out of five, considering the: poor acting performance from the english-speaking actors, poor dialogue, and derivitive/simplistic crux of the movie. Still, it's an enjoyable experience for a first time viewer who isn't squemish when it comes to the films subject matter and contents, in that case I would recommend it.

*THIS CONCLUDES "RAWBLOG(COPYRIGHT PENDING): Movie Review: #1", I really hope you feel like you've sufficiently wasted your time and thoroughly questioned the credibility of my review. As a post-credits note: I really didn't know which direction I was going to go with this blog, but considering my temperament, I should have known I wouldn't be civil when discussing movies. Do I genuinely hate Cannibal Holocaust considering how passionately enraged I was when describing the movie? Absolutely not. I have nothing against the director or the people behind the making of the film. It's a true classic and without it the "found-footage" horror film genre would have never come to existence. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that? I'm only now mentioning it in the prologue to my rant? Does that make you furious and absolutely fuming with pent up rage? Is the urge to punch a hole through the wall too irresitable that the fact you'll get 10x whippings on the bottom by your mommy worth it? Go back to listening to lofi-beats and scrolling r/politics you neckbeard loser!