I present to you: 

Schizoid personality disorder

Little or nothing is enjoyable - CHECKED

emotional coldness, aloof or flattened affectivity - CHECKED

inability to show warm, tender feelings towards other people, as well as anger - CHECKED

weak response to both praise and criticism - CHECKED

minor or no interest in sexual contact with another person - CHECKED (I felt so special for this one :steamsad:)

increased preoccupation with fantasies and introspection - CHECKED

almost invariable preference for solitary activities - CHECKED

marked insensitivity to prevailing social norms and conditions - CHECKED

the absence of close friends or trusting relationships (or the existence of only one) and the lack of desire to have such connections - CHECKED

I'm so 'lucky'!!