Reinvention, Rebirth, Reinvigorate

You must Change in order to grow

Right now I'm in a stale if that's the right word to use in my life. Like my life both feels mundane, soulless and stale of true existence. I just got accepted to I guess my dream college; younger me would be confused I said "I guess", but really I feel just lost an unsure of where I'll be headed in life. 

I don't think I've felt any security in my life trajectory since I came back to B.C. It was hard coming back in 2015/2016 and realizing we finally made it out that hell hole in Toronto, but we weren't getting our old life back. It wasn't going to be like when I was 6 anymore. It really put me in a space where I had to come to the realization that none of it was coming back and I had to start from scratch again and I didn't like that. I was 10 years old  thinking this and it's stuck with me since.

I'm now 18 almost 19 and I need to figure myself out. I'm happy I got accepted but the feeling of uncertainty and the economic and political climate right now makes me feel really scared to loose it all again. Also the rise of A.I as an artist just hurts. Never in a million years I would ever think I'd have to live through this and see it with my own eyes. 

I need some drive again. 
I bleached my hair(haven't toned it sadly, BUT I will soon), I got new clothes and shoes from the thrift, changed my artstyle. 
Tried to explore new things and improve on myself.

But I've fallen down a rabbit hole of mediocrity in living. Life feels mundane and despite the changes, I feel just stuck in space doing nothing. Its partially not my fault cause everyone here in B.C feels the same with just a state of blandness and nothing to do here so I shouldn't be so miserable in myself and that its just how it is here. 

I'm gonna try to set myself straight again and occupy myself with activities again. I'm gonna get money somehow and a job hopefully. I'm gonna take care of myself more hygienically and internally like go to the gym again. I'm gonna fix my sleep schedule, and go out casually again. 
How I'll achieve this?
I'm gonna rewatch silent hill & Devil Wears Prada.
I'll pick up the ipad and draw.
Pick up the camera and post.
Just put my headphones on
& live my truth unapologetically