complaint 004

sometimes I feel really alone in this house. There’s so many people here despite me and even then I feel so alone like I can’t talk to anyone or I can’t spend any time with anyone, because I’d be bothering them.

so my mom constantly complains and complains and complains about everyone she has to help so I just have to be the person she doesn’t need to help, even though I’m the only one who’s her child.

so I don’t know why she goes to help all these people without even thinking about helping me or spending time with me. 

She hasn’t ever spent time with me in years because it’s been taken up by everyone who are already adults and shouldn’t need that help, and I’m not making fun of them for needing that help, I just wish that somebody could realize I need help and time too.

 She’s never home and when she is home, she’s upset. I have no one to be my friend except for my dad or salem. I feel so alone because I have no time to spend with anybody because most of the time my dad is tired, and we can’t do anything, salem doesn’t live with me.

 so I’m just supposed to be okay with growing up and being a child alone and that really hurts. kids who have two parents in the house they usually get to spend time with them at least but I don’t. I never get that time and I wish I could. 

I tell her every day after therapy— I would tell her what we talked about and that I feel like I have no time with her and she just keeps doing it. she doesn’t care. it’s never fair.

 why is she spending much time she spending so much time with people she says she “hates” or doesn’t want to do things for anymore. She said she doesn’t want to spend time with her do things for her yet she won’t take that time for me so that must mean she hates me or she doesn’t care. and that’s not fair.

i’m the child here, i’m supposed to be the one with attention. every thursday, when she could have open time with me, the first time since march 2021, she decides to spend it on a child who isn’t even hers.

so i’m just supposed to be okay with that?? im supposed to not be salty when she’s taking care of someone who isn’t her child when she could be?

like i don’t know why she fucking plays with me and does this shit and expects to know me. always saying she doesn’t know things about me well maybe if you dared to fucking ask

maybe if you ever fucking cared you would know. maybe if you even took into account my interests since i was fucking eight you’d know things. but you don’t and that’s your fucking fault. maybe because you yell at me and then don’t remember and expect me to be okay knowing that.

you move shit then say i fucking moved it to make you mad. clearly not you’re just crazy.  I hate being alone for too long and you forced me to deal with that for four years. I felt so alone and you’ve done that and you’re okay with doing that.

 you made jokes about myself harm while dad cried. at least he fucking cares and dares to ask me about what i like. you think you’re so fucking funny and you’re not. all you do is torment me like every fucking day and you wonder why I don’t tell you shit.

i feel so sad and alone. idk what to do anymore. if you keep doing it, acknowledge i dont like it, then fuck it.