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Hello everyone! lilysanee here.
I hate HATE all these fake beliefs internet is feeding onto our minds about love. Especially those couple videos where you see "i am going to jump off my building" or "everyone asks me why my standards for love are so high then i show them this video". I am not saying that it's cringe but what the main issue is how people convience themselves that this is how love looks like with a 15 second video made by a total stranger. And what really bugs me are those quotes about relationship we see everywhere.
1. If he wanted he would
This is the most toxic one i've heard till now. When two people are in a relationship the most important factor is communication. And what's the point in waiting for your partner to read your mind instead of communicating. Imagine you get pissed off with your partner and think "if he wanted he would" and your partner also thinks "if she wanted she would". It would basically end up both the people doing nothing at all lol. Also, i came across this video where a woman says that "if your guy doesn't brings you flowers on valentine's day break up with him. It doesn't matter if he loves you on the other days". The thing that really pissed me off was when she mentioned THE OTHER DAYS. Mistakes happen by people and the right thing is communication(this applies when he's treating you right on other days).
2. Getting stuffs=love
People are obsessing over wanting materialistic things when being in a relationship to a point that being able to share thoughts, joy, love, sadness no longer matters to them. All that matters is if he's buying you materialistic things. And girls especially choose a guy who gives her flowers over a guy who really understands her. Love is an art not object. Giving gifts is just a part of a relationship and it does not have to be necessary especially when he's not financially sounded. Also when you truly like someone, you barely notice what they do for you cause all you can focus on is what more can you do for them.
3. Men written by women/Alpha male/baddie
I am not saying that these personalities are toxic. But the real deal is that everyone is trying to become more lovable by faking these trending personalities. Love has become more like mutual capitalism. Two people only get together when both are benefitting from that relationship. People care more about having a good looking partner that no one any longer cares about personality. Personality is only judged when you pass the looks test. And even in personality people crave for a partner who doesn't care. It is extremely ridiculous and i don't understand how people changed from wanting a caring and loving partner to a nonchalant people. It is not just about relationships but also in friendships. People lose interest when the other person starts to care. I mean...*speechless*
4. Red flags
There are certain behaviors which which are termed as red flags. Like for instance, it can be Cheating, Lack of respect, Controlling, Manipulation etc. But people are labelling red haired girls or guys who doesn't texts back within a minute red flags. Just because people's certain behaviors or looks isn't matching with your preference doesn't mean they are red flags. It's annoying how every single is is labelled as red flags nowadays. Worst part is that for some people cheating is acceptable but texting back within a minute is not. Sucha trash standards!
Comments
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K8
I think that people tend to forget that context matters when posting online. I agree. Whilst I think it's important to identify the signs of being undervalued in a relationship - the statement of "if they wanted to, they would" being thrown around, only really applies when someone acknowledges what you want and it's importance, has the capacity to do it but chooses not to. There are also so many factors that can impact a person's ability to do so - ESPECIALLY without communication. HOWEVER, I feel like the phrase can be empowering for the correct context.
Yes, I agree. It seems like people are desperate and desiring to be loved, yet refuse to put the effort into loving others - so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Whilst we shouldn't commodify affection based on monetary gestures, I think it's also important to ensure that giving is mutual (obviously not transactional), rather than focusing on the abstract of love. Since focusing on giving can become self-sacrificing in a one-sided relationship. I also think that it's the thought and effort that counts, you don't need to buy the expensive gifts but you can still give thoughtful gifts while budgeting to show affection. I think it's important to give and receive love through actions, which can include gifts.
I think a similar pattern is present with platonic friendships. For example, throwing around the word "toxic" and "trauma dumping" towards a friend who is seeking emotional support. On top of the whole idea that we shouldn't owe our friends anything - not recognizing that friendships are much like romantic ones (equally as important, but people tend to undervalue platonic for prioritizing romantic), you still need to put effort as a friend.
To be honest, I think part of it is self-sabotage. People feel lonely and unfulfilled, then alienate themselves from others and consume half-baked internet ideologies and end up feeling more disconnected. Also, I think people mistake incompatibility issues with red flags and start pathologizing behaviours.
EGGSACTLYYYYY!!!!
by lilysanee; ; Report
[BC] Helljumper
Are you a psych major?
No?
by lilysanee; ; Report
Oh pff you seem to know a lot about psychology
by [BC] Helljumper; ; Report
well I just observe things around me and research about the reasons behind it. that's how I come up with my own insights
by lilysanee; ; Report
Aw thats cute, please share more of your insights! I like reading them!
by [BC] Helljumper; ; Report
Thanks!! Means a lott ༼ つ ◕‿◕ ༽つ
by lilysanee; ; Report
ofc!
by [BC] Helljumper; ; Report
Megs_bored
if i vibe with you for a long time and we communicate well then maybe we can date and figure out where that goes.
That's what I go by.
vaibhu
Finally finally someone who understands me. When I tell people I love a girl I used to study with 7 years ago and haven't seen her since they don't understand. I mean just cuz she doesn't know about it or even if have forgotten me that doesn't mean I'll stop loving her. I mean the love is in me. It's a feeling I feel only for her.
loving someone like that is sweet. But you also need to let go of things that no longer serve you. Moving on is a tough decision but that's the right thing to do in your case. If you can love a person no matter the distance think of how much you'll love the person who's with you... Learn to make use of the loyalty you have to the deserving person. Don't give your heart too just anyone and protect your emotions
by lilysanee; ; Report
yup, thats why i have so less female friend and think of most of them as my sister. and i don't think i'll ever fall in love with anyone else. and if we talk about marriage i have to do arrange marriage cuz of caste stuff...
by vaibhu; ; Report