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before i start i not trying to look for sympathy if u think i am oh well but i just needed to rant and like put words on paper so here you go
some times whenever i do anything i feel out of place. like whether its school or my hobbies and interest i just feel like im not into it as much as i should be. for example i really like song i would consider not mainstream but i struggle to express my appreciation for these song in fear ill be called out. not only that but if someone was to ask 'oh name 5 songs then' i couldnt yk. also i dont know if people do that in real life coz ive never heard it but im petrified of it.
i feel this way about school too coz like i good and smart enough to get into and take high level classes but i struggle to keep up the momentum to study and care i guess. it feels weird coz i really enjoy these artist and subjects but i think im too worried about being judged or made fun of to embrace them. and its totally not a validated feeling coz i don't surround myself or interact with people that outwardly think this way i just seem to burry myself in my head about it.
cookie run kingdom and genshin impact have honestly always been a a sore spot for me because i do really enjoy these games but i dont identify with a section of the genshin fandom and sometimes i feel like again i dont know enough about crk to have an opinion. i suppose that's what this really boils down to, i dont feel like i know enough to have an opinion about things i like. and this is a horrible mentality coz like im allowed to enjoy things right but i just hate being 'stared' at for it.
i think this ties into my aversion of extroverted people and especially the one who are vocal about what i like. they seem cool but i could never be that out with my interest and i pisses me off. ik its my fault coz like who am i gonna blame mr worldwide?? but i still feel like shit. i try to take responsibility for these feelings but its hard.
i also struggle sooo bad with procrastination, even now i writing this instead of getting on with something i need to. i think this struggle to get on with tasks that dont seem appealing to me is part of my childishness. i used to not be like this. i used to considered mature for my age but now it feels like i cant do anything without my mum. and it pisses me off (ive said that alot haha) coz i should be able to do theses things im an adult in a year. how do people do it man? every year that passes especially in school i feel younger. i dont feel 17. or i dont feel that i act 17 when i should.
anyway feel like im about to cry but its all out now and it feels better, bye
Comments
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♡ jovi 🐹
tbh the poser label only applies to those who claim to be part of a community like punk or goth but they dont align with the values of that community, just use it as an "aesthetic", or a trend
its crazy how people (especially kids/teens) are afraid to get into literally anything these days because of brainrotted chronically online social media addicts gatekeeping the most inconsequential things! youre not a poser if youre genuinely into something, you dont have to know everything about it! like imagine signing up for a music class or something and getting chased out because youve never played an instrument before. thatd be insane! we all start somewhere! just have fun and be unapologetically you. THAT makes you real
⋆˚｡⋆୨✧୧˚ phoebe ˚୨✧୧⋆｡˚⋆
this is so real! i like to talk about being yourself no matter what others say but its still something im learning a bit and i still get those "what if" thoughts. but its really important that you know how awesome you are (bc you are so very awesome!) and that you dont need mega genius knowledge in something to enjoy it. be cringe! no one should have a say in how cringe you are!
hannah
dude, i felt this so hard. i used to think the same way growing up. it's like i had to earn the right to like something or else i’d look fake and that whole “name 5 songs” thing was pretty horrifying even if no one’s actually said it to me irl. the fear is still real tho
but now tbh i just hate the concept of posers. who the hell decided you need a phd in a band or a game just to say you enjoy it? liking stuff should be fun, it's not an exam one should be prepared for. you don’t need to prove anything to anyone.
i also admire the confidence of extroverted people who are super loud about their interests but back then it weirdly makes me feel small??? and then i get mad at myself for not being like that... i've changed now tho, i don't let people's judgement get the best of me simply because it's just not worth dreading over.
and yeah procrastination + feeling like you’re not where you “should” be for your age is indeed rough. i don’t feel my age half the time either lol but you’re not alone in that. we’re all just tryna figure shit out, even if it looks messy. you’re doing better than you think, i promise.
Chiasm
the most non-poser thing you can do is enjoy the things you do without shame. just be you!! anyone who yaps about "oh name 5 songs" is insecure and clings onto the identity of whatever label they've given themselves. just have fun, be kind, do good things. life is too short to worry about what other people think.