+ city marks & leftover feelings

5/12 | 7:18 post meridiem [on a bus]
riding the bus.
listening to music.
eating a hot jamaican patty.
staring out at the city that just got hit by rain.
windows fogged up a little.
lights reflecting everywhere.
felt like a scene out of a movie.

5/12 | 7:31 post meridiem [on a bus]
tell me why this felt so romantic.
like, nothing beats this kinda sad.
today hit me different,
i realized that relapsing and reminiscing are like...
the flip side of romanticizing.
and weirdly, i’m into both.
what i meant to say is,
i used to want to come back here so bad.
and now that i am… it hurts knowing i’m only here for a while.
i don’t wanna just visit—i wanna live here again.
ugh. i miss how things used to be.

5/12 | 7:47 post meridiem [on a bus]
the memories start rushing in as i ride past those walls covered in vandalism art.
ik who wrote them.
ik those hands.
to most people, it probably just looks messy or ugly—but to me,
it's like a memory frozen in time.
it’s familiar.
it’s comfort.
it’s home.

5/12 | 7:56 post meridiem [on a bus]
familiar.
their faces are so familiar.
every time i’m there, it feels like i know everyone. 
i’m still in the same country,
but it’s like every place has its own vibe that’s hard to explain.
&&& that’s what makes me feel at ease.
even the news about all the crimes popping up on the bus TV is oddly comforting.
it’s the kind of stuff i grew up hearing.
it’s what i’m used to.
and being used to smth like that feels like a comfort shit i need to outgrow.
it’s like i’m holding on to what’s familiar, even if it’s not what's best for me.

5/12 | 8:01 post meridiem [on a bus]
it’ll always be a part of me, smth i won’t ever let go of.
being the nostalgic person i am, that’s not gonna be easy.
i’m holding onto smth that’s not even there anymore.
it’s just me, my feelings, and this place that shaped who i am now.

5/12 | 8:11 post meridiem [on a bus]
being there, i never wanted to leave.
like, genuinely.
i felt wanted there.
i felt like i belonged.
i was home.
and honestly? nothing else has ever felt like that since.
no place feels like your hometown does.
ppl always say that leaving your hometown helps you grow.
and yeah, i get that—it did for me too.
but still…

(it's giving "u take the man out of the city, not the city out the man." kinda vibe.)




˚₊‧꒰ა ♱ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
i took this from my digital journal last night.>>>