UPDATE: im genderfluid and this is not relevant anymore and its also really corny but u can still read it ig

I dont really know what my gender is. When i was younger i was the "i'm not like other girls cuz i like rock music and boy things like playing the guitar and the color blue!!!" I used to think i was really cringe, but now whenever i think of it, i think i was just acting like who i felt inside. When i was around 8 years old i found out what transitioning was, so for a short while i thought i was trans (even though i knew nothing about being trans lmao). After i few months i realized something was off, so i just... stopped being trans i guess? Idk. Ever since then ive been going by any pronouns since i really dont care what people refer to me as. Recently i noticed that i havent been feeling comfortable in my own body and im not exactly sure what this feeling im feeling. I havent really been this self conscious about myself in a while and i dont know what to do. 

One of my friends asked me to follow her on pinterest, so i made a new account and followed her there. In my bio i put "i go by any pronouns but he/him are heavily preferred. thanks :)" and, eventually, my friend noticed and said "do you want me to call you by he/him now?" and i just replied "sure" because i really didnt know what to say. I think im happier using he/him pronouns, she/her pronouns still feel alright, but.. idk? 

Whenever im referred to as he/him, i get this weird gut feeling inside. Im not sure what feeling it is, but the more im referred to as a guy, the more i get used to it, and the more i feel comforted. I've always been mistaken for as a guy online because im usually wearing a guy avatar when im playing roblox, which means people use he/him pronouns when talking to me. For me, it just felt right for some reason, so i never corrected them. I've also had recurring feelings---or maybe even needs---to just cut my hair and change my name. I've gone through a wide variety of names; Westley, Noah, Soren; most of which came from my favorite characters. Elijah is a name that stuck with me, although ive only been using it for a few days.

Im not sure what i am. Ive tried exploring myself to see if im transgender, but ive never really experienced much gender dysphoria, and im scared if i transitioned people would get mad at me for not experiencing it and call me invalid. Im also afraid if i transitioned and regret it later on in life, or my parents wouldnt support me. Ive tried figuring out if ive im transmasculine as well, but i feel like trying to be transmasc would confuse me... somehow.

There was one time i was playing roblox with two of my best friends, i was fighting with somebody and then they referred to me as he/him. For some reason they said "idk what their pronouns are can somebody tell me" (talking about me) in the middle of the fight 😭 My friend said "she goes by she/her", and the person i was fighting with corrected themself. For some reason, i felt somewhat upset, im not sure why i felt upset. I think i wanted to be referred to as a guy and i just enjoyed it more, and being corrected as someone who goes by "she/her" just made me feel a bit sad. 

Considering the fact i wrote an entire 5 paragraph essay about my gender, listen to will wood daily, and draw my persona as a guy, there is probably something wrong with my gender