I don't think I'll ever have a healthy romantic relationship

Hiii, I just want to share my experience and complain to someone about it

I don't know if there is such a thing as передружба in english.I don’t even know how to translate this word, but, in general, this moment is probably familiar to everyone.This is when you seem to be friends, but there is a lot of flirting in your communication, constant declarations of love, maybe you call each other "darling", but you don't go beyond the level of friends. Well, I was in a relationship like this with a girl (he uses he/him pronouns, but is a cisgender woman, this is so that you don't get confused further in the text) who got a girlfriend the day before yesterday, who I only found out about today. I'll also clarify that we found each other in a cf where people looking for friends and relationships on Telegram. And in his profile, which I responded to, there was a relationship hashtag! and also a typo about him being very lonely.

And, well, he flirted with me from the very beginning of our acquaintance, introduced me to his friends and called me his wife when we played games, I was really happy and also considered him as potential partner from the very beginning (about three months ago) until the very end (tonight).🥹

Today, right after I found out that he has a girlfriend (LITERALLY TODAY, WTF??) I immediately said that I felt uncomfortable communicating with him and at the same time I burst into a story about my complexes and fear that no one would really like me and how disgusted I am to be in this kind of relationship with a taken person and how offended I was to be a temporary stopper. I told him that I really thought our flirting was something serious and I saw him as a potential partner from the very beginning and considered him as such until I found out that he had a girlfriend. To which he replied that he also considered me a potential partner before he saw my circle of friends.🤠 The catch is that his circle was always bigger and he communicated/played with them a lot, WHILE I didn't communicate personally in DM with anyone except him, because my "social circle" contacted me only through my channel - shitpost or safeplace. I didn't have a close enough relationship with any of them. He said that from the moment he joined that safe place, he started to see me as just a friend because, ahem, quote: "my hopes were shattered I didn't think I could take a place in your heart", However, after his introduction, he still flirted with me constantly, and.... BRO YOU ARE LITERALLY THE ONLY PERSON I HAVE TALKED TO 24/7 YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE I'VE PLAYED GAMES WITH BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WOULD DO IT WITH ME.

Today we stopped communicating because I felt uncomfortable being friends with someone I like while he is in a relationship.

It irritates me terribly that now so much reminds me of him and it scares me terribly that tomorrow I will return to everyday life full of loneliness, because no one will write to me anymore.

Last night I had a strong hysteria, I was shaking wildly, but now I feel much better, the only thing is that tears continue to flow down my cheeks, but this is normal for me.

Thank you to everyone who read all these my nagging, forgive me for the mistakes, if there are any.

I love you guys 

byeee