april and (almost) may as a whole.

i took some time off spacehey and a lot of social media and i just needed to take some time to just get my shit together. april was a month and it's almost mid may.... and so close to graduation too. it wasn't bad, it wasn't good, it was great honestly. i think right now, i'm at the best point of everything at the moment. obviously, there were some downs too. i got rejected by my dream university for my dream program but i've come to realization that rejection = redirection. i was always "preached" to that life was never easy and you never take the path you always think to take but i never really seriously until it happened to me. ive always had this idealized version of my senior year but idealized things are just in our heads. its a mere dream honestly. i've seen my favourite artist, won semi-formal prom queen, i went to a thing for lent (im catholic lol) at school and it was so fun. we played a glow in the dark manhunt while the squid game all over the school, we all slept on the school floor in the cafeteria (the seniors at least). i got to bond with a bunch of the kids in my grade too, which was pretty refreshing since again, last few months of school.

that weekend, i went to my first indoor gig. so fucking fun. the mosh pit was crazy and my friend's band performed with ANOTHER local band. so fun. it was then i was talking to another friend of mine (who graduated) and i just had to reflect on a guy named ronan i almost hooked up with and went out with. crazy guy. i was around 15/16 and he was 16/17, he was... a guy. i cant have a solid opinon on him, i dodged a massive bullet and i wouldve had bruises and shit all over me if i stayed. im glad we never worked out but i always wonder, what wouldve happened? i mean i was a naive girl back then and i felt like i knew everything yet... i knew nothing. i knew nothing at all. it was a time to just think about and rowan, a friend of my friend oli, was saying that i shouldve just not.. it was just all complicated man..

but anyways.. i got invited to my friend's afterparty and i met all his film friends (hes in film school). we all shared a shit mix of pepsi, vodka, and whiskey and i didn't eat a lot during the day so lets just.. yeah you get it. i was a bit woozy, i cant lie, i took 3 big swigs. i felt okay but still great. i got to connect with some kids who went to ronan's school and its confirmed that he was just an awful person in general. not an awful partner but an awful person. 

i got connect with this guy named talon, we've been mutuals for a while (since january) oh man he is attractive... so fucking good looking and i met a guy who looked like luigi mangione (spoiler alert i think we're going out??) yeah we started talking and he asked me to come over and whatever but i.. idk, he said it was casual and i just heard he was a straightforward guy so im gonna assume its casual.

i went on a retreat for school (catholic shit whatever) but honestly... it got me changing in a way where yeah.. im so much closer to my faith. weird to say but.. i can call myself catholic without having reprecussions for it?? something like that?? anyways, i got so much closer to my faith and actually feeling loved and God's grace? am i crazy? i just felt so moved from my mundane pov of how i always saw religion or whatever. im still figuring a lot of my faith and accepting myself as a catholic (#hadreallyreallyreallybadprotestantfriends, not that im a hater for baptists but they've just treated me like actual shit because i was catholic lmfao). i had interactions with some people i used to be friends with and i just think.. everything is slowly falling into place. its just kinda an acceptance ive gotten because of the fact graduation is right around the corner. 

speaking of grad... now... gotcha... senior assassin or whatever. its... definitely something. you can see the best and worst of people within this game. i tried to get my target but #failed. he hopped a 7ft fence and his mom, my dad, him, and my sister ended up just talking and being civil about it. great guy btw too. 

i think im forgetting a lot but this is just mainly a lot that had happened since ive died but yeahh.

TDLR: shit's lit, graduation is around the corner, and imma be outta here better than ever. is that cheesy? u get the point.