god I have no one to talk to this abt 

Being no one's first choice 

ehhugh this is kinda a little soft spot on my heart, the fact that I actually feel this way is weird and crazy,I'm not friendless or anything I've actually been told I have TOO many friends tbh BUT no one  would ever choose me first. i  would be lying if i say I didn't care cause I heavily do . when I try to act like I do  care it makes me sound like I'm chasing them and I don't want to seem like that type of person who just chases people around. i mean I always say they are  my first choice in everything, AS SOON as something happens BOOM I go to them. 

I have a friend they used to always be my first choice but I started to realized her first choice is the person who played a part of fucking my mental health up. this year the same guy did the same thing and it made me sad so I told her about it and she was defending the guy 

 my long term friend who completely forgot abt me after she got a boyfriend,I got mad and I kinda cut her off but I felt bad cause she missed me. 

 my husband..the last person I would ever expect . some guy looked at some "personal" things of mines (underwear) and showed it to his friend and I was crying otp with my husband but his friend were waiting for him and knowing him,he was going to leave me to talk to him even tho I needed his comfort .I didn't feel good that night I felt like I genuinely had no one,he felt horrible but me knowing him he isn't going to change and I don't wanna sound controlling or any so I just said I forgave him.I never forgave him that night.

I hope I get over this.

(edit) guys i swear he loves me T^T