Ptv guestlist?? (+MAJOR life updates)

Yeah, the subject is what I’m here for. I don’t wanna go out telling everyone cause I don’t want everyone to think I’m bragging but I’m on pierce the veils guestlist for the first show of the ichy tour.. LIKE WHAT??? The only way I got it though was because I am best friends with Adam lazzara from taking back sundays son and Adam was talking to all of ptv and reached out to multiple people and we are on guestlist now and we are getting some sort of “vip treatment”? Yeah idk what that means but ik Adam is very loved by them SO IDK I will definitely update because this feels like a fever dream.. 

also life updates.. idk when my last one was but a lot has been happening in my life, lots of bad. Way back in December I kinda hit this really low point then from then to April I just went downhill as a whole. It was very unhealthy for myself and everyone around me. I don’t really remember December to April because mentally I was practically gone and physically I was fr just slowly withering away. I was treating everyone awfully while treating myself even worse, I had ended up pushing everyone away because I didn’t want to hurt them but that just made everything worse and I basically lost my entire life. That also led to me losing the love of my life. I was very on and off my meds and we would go back and fourth and just were both not good mentally but before he broke up with me I made a promise to stay sber and actually work on myself and better myself. I kept that promise and now I’m getting the help I need, I’m on the right m3ds , I’ve bettered myself physically ALOT, I’ve tied up lose ends with people and am in the process of healing a lot of relationships between me and people, and I’m over 2 months sber. It feels good to be able to actually change as a person for the better and it feels even better to have others notice your changes and see that you are bettering yourself. I actually like myself now too and I’ve taken a lot of time for me but throughout all of that I miss him so much. Truly I know that I will never fall in love with anyone like I was with him because I knew he was my person and I was right. I’ve never liked relationships, to be honest, I really hate them. But when I found him I wasn’t looking for anything, then it’s like he was everything I’ve ever needed and I hate myself for ruining that because now I don’t know what’s gonna happen in the future. There’s so much I wish I told him when I had the chance but now everything is just slightly different and yeah it’s sad, but it kinda just feels wrong. Like us being apart doesn’t and never did feel right, in any way. He’s so perfect and truly will always be the love of my life and deep down part of me knows that I’m truly focusing on bettering myself because I want to be the one to give him what he deserves and treat him how he should be treated. I would give so much just to call him mine again and I know he sees my efforts and sees me changing, there’s a lot of things that have changed for the better that he’s noticed and it makes me really happy because I’ve put a lot of work into myself, like, ALOT. But truly all I know is that I want things to work with us because what we had wasn’t just like teen romance or anything like that; genuinely I have this like connection to him, like a soul tie or something, and truly I’ve never felt comfortable nor safe with anyone like I do him. I still love him more than anything and I know that will never change, and hopefully I will have my sweet boy back soon. I seriously miss him so much some nights it hurts like hell. But ik all I can continue to do rn is continue to better myself and work on myself but I’m like the best I’ve been in about a year and I kinda am at this middle spot rn cause now that I’m doing so good all I wanna do is treat him good but that can’t happen right now, and part of me is scared that it might not happen ever again. I know he needs time but the selfish part of me just wants him back right now. He’s truly Everything I’ve ever needed and wanted and he’s the only person I’ve actually felt love for and I just hope things will work out. He is my person and if things do work out- in the future idc where i end up I just want him to be by my side. He’s like my companion through life, like everyone knows we are just always together, we are like the best duo ever. He has seen parts of me I swore id never show anyone, and vise versa, and that right there says a lot because I’m a very outgoing person but I keep ALOT to myself. Yet he’s seen genuinely every single part of me and idk why but I don’t regret any of it. I think maybe it’s because I have this feeling we will work things out or maybe it’s because he’s genuinely my person or maybe it’s even because no matter everything, I still feel so safe and comfortable around him. It’s like my body doesn’t know we broke up, my heart definitely knows, but the rest of me doesn’t. It’s like the other day I caught myself like Giggiling and smiling in public just thinking about him and I was about to text him then I had to remember that we are not together, like I seriously forgot. And like I have really bad insomnia and the only way I can fall asleep is if I have his jacket because it like convinces me that he’s here? Idk if that makes any sense. But like idk i don’t think I’ll ever feel safe like that with anyone ever again and truly, I don’t want to. When I said he’s my forever I meant it, and when I said he’s the only person I could see a future with, I meant that too. He would bring up the future a lot and say how excited he is to live with me and he would always plan ahead but I was always scared of talking about stuff like that, yet part of me like always felt comfortable about it even if I never said or showed it. He showed me so much love and care and I wish I showed him more. I felt so much and truly the love I have for him is kinda overwhelming but I wish I showed that more- verbally and physically. But hopefully someday soon I’ll be able to. Hopefully. 

So yeah that’s my life update I’m guestlist for ptv and insanely in love 👍