it’s not the room (2/16/25)

“Are you listening? Did I make it weird?” you ask, the sea glass eyes meeting mine is almost too much, i almost respond honestly. Almost. I'm convinced after all I've said that the heavens would collapse onto us if I attempted to tell a complete truth. 

I never had a problem with my half truths and lies cause I never hurt anyone, I will lie mostly about how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking. Especially if I'm thinking nothing at all. On top of that I only lie to those whose feelings I wish to preserve. If I didn't care about you at all I would tell u i have no interest in thermodynamics or the beach trip you took when you were 5. I want you to feel appreciated so i tell u i love listening to you talk (which i do, i fall in love with every word i just dont find the topic interesting) or that i was listening the whole time (i zoned out looking at you, in my defense a face like yours is quite distracting). I'm not one to cherish self preservation so i dont lie about myself “where were u last night” where i always am and will always be “what did u do yesterday” same thing as the day before, be angry, listen to music, cry, want, eat, sleep, write. The fundamentals of my existence. 

If only you knew just what love i hold for you, god its so ridiculous i even try to hide it. And its so ridiculous that im hanging onto every single word you speak like it will save me from being so pathetic. God i love you so much, i would rewrite history if you had made a mistake when recounting an event, id change east from west when you get lost, hell ill take the bones form under my skin to make you a tool when you need one. So no i do not find the topic perticurlly interesting but i am still falling madly in love with every words and hanging on until all my limbs have to force me to stop fighting simply because it was your words