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So idk if that's the right place to put it, but I'm having a hard time dealing with things, so I thought this was a place to share my feelings and maybe get an opinion. Soo.. I've been with my bf for about 3 years now, and we were always long distance (two different countries, tho he was born there, where I live), we met a couple of times in irl but for max a month. And now I've been very miserable cuz I don't see the point of our relationship anymore. he said he doesn't see himself coming back here, and for some time, I was okay with that. I even wanted to move in with him, but first, I had to finish uni. About a year ago, I started to realise that I don't enjoy my life, and I feel tied down because of this relationship. Not only could In't meet new people without feeling guilty, but I also didn't want to move to another country with him. I could have a good career here, but there I could be a teacher at best, also being far from family and friends. I can't do that. I want to break up for so long, but I'm afraid that I will be alone, and also, he is a great guy, I really love? him and I want to stay in touch, but I know that if we break u,p it wouldn't be the same. We talked about it 3 days ago and it really felt like we broke up after, I was so scared, panicked, I couldn't operate and I got really scared to leave him for good. I just want this to be over, I wish we had never talked in the first place, I wish I never wanted to do anything with him.
So if anyone has a nice comment or an advice, please share, I'd love to read your stuff <33
Lula
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drzks124
i don't think there's a right answer for that. i don't think there's one in life for that matter.
you always hear that you should put yourself up before anyone else. because when they leave, well... it will be only you. but i understand the whole dynamic and the conflicts that it comes with having a relationship of this sort.
it's awfully painful. what i really regret was not having a real conversation. communicating what i felt, what i was worried about. what i wanted. it sounds easy on paper but it's really hard. what i realized was that sooner or later things that are not clearly defined will come to and end anyways, so it's better to do it. i wish i could but i can't anymore
but reading about the whole situation made me remember a lot about myself and about what i was feeling when i went through that.
We talked yesterday and ultimately decided to break up. He really wanted to convince me to live with him or even consider it but I wasn't having that. Today he showed me a document that he made that living with him (and moreover, his country) would be better financially, so we talked more.
But honestly, I never felt happier when I ended that call and went out to smoke, I felt so free in that moment, I didn't have to worry about choosing my future now, it was like magic, like those chains of making this decision and going over every path was finally taken off me.
When he texted me today with all this "proof" and stuff, I got thinking if I made the right decision to leave him.
And I guess there is not really a "right" or "wrong" decision in life, you make a choice and the universe reacts to it.
So this is where I am right now, am I risking my future just to feel free, am I saving my future by not sacrificing my career for someone, am I going to end up with a hot goth girl, who knows??
by Julstar; ; Report
as egocentric as it can gets, you did the right thing. choosing yourself before anyone else.
the part where you said you felt free after doing that felt sooo relatable to me. you really get to a point where the only way you see at life is through them, and when that disappears it's as if the chains were broken.
sorry for the late reply, I'm not very active
by drzks124; ; Report
Thanks again for the kind words. After those 2 weeks, I still stand by my decision and feel good that I made that call. There is no honor in suffering; sometimes you just have to make some changes.
I hope you are doing well, internet person, and you get the strength to fight for a better life for yourself.
by Julstar; ; Report