black pill rabbit hole

I understand why thousands of men go through the black pill ideology and I think I'm falling for it. for the past 4 years I've been into looksmaxxing culture and still currently am. I never looked at this as some trend but as a life style lately I've been pretty sad and what's better than telling strangers on the internet lol. anyways if u haven't guessed I'm extremely insecure and self cautious about my physical appearance I've done almost everything yet um nothing's really worked for me other than an eating disorder (and sadly not anorexia) my parents keep buying junk food even after begging them to stop yet they don't listen. I've already told my dad about it but I think he forgot because yesterday he bought me a cookie. every picture that's taken of me I get so disgusted of the fat fuck I see. I do believe and it's true that everything does indeed revolve around the way you look. I've done cardio which I try to do 2 miles a day drink 2 litters of water and I try my absolute hardest to not binge. I even fucked up my 1st potential relationship, he took a picture of me and I cried ( not in front of him but i held my tears in until he left). I told him I wasn't ready but in reality I felt too fat and ugly to have a boyfriend so were just friends right now. I feel so chopped but at the same time I dont, I just have like unseen potential. I feel me being fat is what's making me feel so ugly because I hate my face fat, receding jawline, fat arms and fucking huge belly. all ive watching are those toxic gym/diet motivational edits, bill pill edits and whatnot. I'm 5'8 and 210 pounds. okay I'm kind of being dramatic cuz I don't look my weight but that's still bad. im not like "it's over " chopped like I have a pretty face but I'm just fat. I don't have any struggles or anything I can run a mile just fine in 12 min. god okay that was lowkey cringe srry about being emo lol okay um I'd appreciate any tips.