Depression, Music and Money

Last week has been rough, my dad went right back to drinking after being in an addiction center for a month, and we are now on no contact, i keep having dreams of him dying and it freaks me the fuck out, it drains my energy so fucking much i've felt like a lump ever since. My grandpa got diagnosed with cancer, which is really awful, I don;t know how to express my sadness towards the matter, i find it rather difficult to talk about with anyone whatsoever. My grades have been going downwards, which i think is a result of me feeling so dreadfully tired and sad all the time, I'll have to put in a lot of work to succeed this year and I don;t know if i have it in me, i just have no energy. My girlfriend doesn't really help, she kinda drains me more for i think she doesn't understand and support me at all, which is making matters even more insufferable for me, all while starting small fights every few days.

A lot of good music released today, which is something that brightens me up a bit, mainly so i won't have to think about anything else for a short moment, it calms me, reduces the loud thoughts and voices of life. Maruja and Billy Woods really made my weekend.

There's this constant thought of money, I have a job, which pays me fine as a teenager, but i feel like i need to work more but i can't at the place im currently at because of availability etc. it really sucks, Its not like im almost broke or something but i dont really save any money because my paycheck isnt that grand because of the short hours i work as a teenager. I can't stop thinking about it and I think it is draining my mental health along with my other issues, it seems so unnecessary but still it happens all day in and out, it deprives me of all joy honestly, 

Fuck im tired i need some sleep, finish godzilla 1954 first