Graduating class of 2025

Lots of venting and complaining about getting lowkey violated in class!

With my senior year of highschool coming to a close, I have many gripes that have been chewing away at me since my Junior Year. 

The class of 2025 is so tone deaf and every one of us lacks social cues. Since I have started high school I've had an issue with setting up boundaries, I know that, but we should also be able to assume what is and isn't ok based off of basic cues. For instance, today when I was in my class I had been groped by two of my friends and when I had taken their hands off of me they had placed them back there not even 5 minutes later. It had felt as if they were intentionally trying to torment me and shame me? They'll make disgusting remarks about me and my body, grope me in class, try to paint me as the weird one or make me sound much dumber than I am but then they tell me im 'so cool' and 'so fun' to be around before they then walk off without me or try to pretend as if they don't know me in the hallways. It's tiring. On top of them I have to walk on eggshells with my friends who are in horrible relationships, when i tell them that their partner isn't good for them they get upset with me and tell me that its "not like that," but when you're boyfriend has been out of high school for as long as you've been in high school, i truly feel like maybe, just maybe your boyfriend is a freak. I can lead a horse to water but I cannot make it drink- unless I gave it a water drip IV- this is the horse to get mad at me for not forcing water down its throat. 

I deal with disrespect everyday from my other friends who like to constantly berate me and who like to tell me that I "looked better in junior year of highschool' or that I "look homeless." I've been told that my friends hope I fail and that I'll be forever poor. It truly just gets to a point where I have realized I kind of don't like my friends from school and I feel kind of guilty for that but at the same time I... don't?

Out of the many friends that I have made throughout high school, many of them were cool and their presence will be missed to an extent. Throughout high school I have been there for all of my friends during all of their tough times, I never wanted a prize for that but now I do. I want my prize to be them actually treating me like a person rather than as the punchline to their weird sexual jokes, their quick switch-ups on me, and their horrible words to me. Im there for them but they cannot treat me like a normal person and it drives me insane. Can I really be blamed for feeling a slight resentment towards the ones who make me a more angry person? 

I never want to sound like the one to say, "Oh i'm such a nice person, I never lash out on people, I have great patience!" But since starting my senior year I have felt myself grow angrier. I take it out on the people I care about most, I go home wanting to cry, sometimes when I'm in class I catch myself being more agitated and lashing out on people. I feel like such a horrible person for the things that I do but I truly can't help it when I'm surrounded by people who see me as someone they can constantly sexualize. But sometimes, just sometimes when I'm home alone and looking at myself, I think that maybe, just maybe this might be the only time people will see me as 'beautiful' and not as an ugly lug. 

I feel horrible for what I have become this senior year. I have become a resentful and hate filled young woman who wants nothing more than to become a human eating eldritch horror with thistle like skin that makes the average human itch with the lightest touch of my skin. A barrier to protect myself from those who are unworthy. 

To say I'll miss high school is a lie. The day i graduate is the day I can breathe easy and not worry about a bunch of people who make me miserable. To the four people I could never resent, I want them to know that I love them dearly. To the teachers who changed the path of my life, I love and appreciate them, but to the people who have made me the hateful prude I am today, I cannot wait to leave you on that stage and leave you as nothing more than just a memory.