Boredom.

boredom. being bored. suffering so much I had to write about it, right? for wikipedia, (the most untrustful source ever created) it describes the symptoms of boredom as this: "It seems to be a specific mental state that people find unpleasant—a lack of stimulation that leaves them craving relief, with a host of behavioral, medical and social consequences."According to BBC News, "boredom can be a dangerous and disruptive state of mind that damages your health";"  
what a bunch of bullshit. I'm supposed to live like this, uninspired and bored out of my mind? "Why are we still here? Just to suffer?" boredom feels like having a log so far lodged in your throat that it's crushing your guts. what are you supposed to do in a state like this? sleep it off? cry? both? your brain asking for stimuli and depraving itself of them. quite self destructive… try to find something entertaining, why not? get bored of it the second you pick it out? of course I should just read, but I don't even have the energy to fucking do it. ☺
recently I've developed this cough for no reason, it's getting annoying. thinking about it, I've also built my reputation around being a dick and being stupid as shit, and I'm starting to regret it, as one of my peers brought it up in a conversation (straight up called me dumb, ain't that fun??? fuck. me.) well, I still have time, turn apathetic and miserable, go mute… I already know that no matter what I'll do, I'm gonna be the same. the same fucking idiot who was blessed by knowledge, leading me to be more conscious about this world. sometimes I wish I was still dumb as hell, unconscious and easily manipulative… more than that, when someone told me I should be more smart and "wake up" I would shrug it off and smile like douchebag. but no… I had to lower myself sooo much that I've become what I hate. first off all, masculine, and the second, dumb.

fuck. me. (not an innuendo, fuck off creep)
 
ninth of may, twothousandtwentyfive.