pathetically in love or just pathetic?

This is basically me spewing my feelings out into the internet because the internet isn't real. 

It's not love because it's a crush and completely one-sided, but I have had the same feelings for one guy since 2017. I've told him multiple times in the past*, and he has never reciprocated, but I can't help it. Like I'm stuck in love with him. He's on a pedestal in my mind, and I don't think he'll ever be off it. I try not to impose this on him because I know what it's like to be the apple of someone's eye when you don't want it. He's also in a relationship with a really nice girl who seems to be a good match for him. 

Other guys pale in comparison to him in my eyes because I've built him up to be someone he probably isn't, and that's not fair to him, but I doubt he knows the extent of my feelings for him. i think I've done a good job avoiding him. I don't message him personally, and really only interact on Twitter or our group chat.  

I owe my love of Elliott Smith to him because in my junior year he mentioned liking his music, and I decided to check him out. I watched Twin Peaks because he kept talking about it. I've even considered watching basketball because he loves it. 

In conclusion, I am very pathetic and trapped in a cycle that started when I was 12. I will never have a chance with him because he just doesn't like me and only tolerates me as a friend. His girlfriend is a really nice person who I think he deserves because she makes him happy and brings him out of his shell. 

*The last time I confessed my feelings to him was 2020, and he left me on seen so I didn't attempt again lmao