Report Blog Entry
Im blogging ab this cuz im in class and wanna blog!! and also cuz aphmau deserves all the luv in the world and i wanna share this awesum story :3333
So in like 2023, back when i waz in yr 8, some crazy stuff happened to me around the end of the year that caused me 2 go into a really bad depression phase ((i always have depression but a 'phase' of it is basically me going deeper into depression and having it sorta crash down on me worse than ever ;^; )) .
i was all over the place in my head, i didnt know who i rlly was, and was struggling more than ever . Also id like to mention that year i was hanging around the COMPLETE wrong crowd, so i was trying to fit in and that made me change myself to what i thought was "normal" so i wouldnt get bullied anymore. this messed up my head quite a bit and led to many insecurities getting worse and it just suked butt.
anyways, this crazy stuff involved me not having a great social life anymore, and im a purrson who NEEDS social interaction, so that made things super duper bad. I was alone, didnt know who i was, and all my insecurities were making my life miserable. Eventually it reached the holidays and at the time, to distract myself from how i hated myself, i went on tiktok. and somehow the tiktok algorithim blessed me with the funniest video I HAVE EVER SEEN. i believe it was from one of aphmaus mini game videos, and it was . .well it was garroth and ein taking their shirts off and m@king out. WHILE APHMAU AND KAWAII CHAN WATCHED. The video being described sounds less funni and more weird now that i write it but.. IF U SAW THE VID U WOULD GET IT.
but anywayyys, i saw it and i thought it was super funni! i dont think i knew who aphmau was when i saw it, i kind of just liked it and scrolled, but that caused more aphmau related clips and edits to come up on my for you page. it made me curious, but i didnt search her name up on youtube YET.
though, i eventually saw some of her meemeows in store! Some meaning very few, it was the meemeow litter with cute little dessert cats! I got one, and luckily i got the pink strawberry shortcake one!!!! I was SO happy! But, i was also more curious than ever. I didnt know aphmau sold kids toys, so once i got home i ended up searching her name and found out her modern content is for kids, and looks far different than what id seen relating to aphmau.
now my memory around this part is kind of fuzzy, but the jist of it is that i went thru the playlists on her channel and found mystreet, mcd, royale tale, mini games, ALL OF THAT!! It was pretty fun to see so many series and videos of hers, but i was a little bummed to see that her content had changed so much when i had just started to get interested in it.
So, the next thing that happened that led to a HUGE hyperfixtation was a sleepover with someone! (thats right, SOCIALIZATION!) during this sleepover i was introduced to another mc youtubers series, which i actually thought was rlly cute, and seeing that reminded me of aphmau! so, after watching a bit of the other series, I put on the first episode of mystreet s1, and we watched some of it. Even if i didnt know it immedietly, I WAS HOOKED. even if i cant recollect my memories and figure out what exactly got me hooked, i assume at the time it was the fun of it. despite just seeing one episode and part of the second, i could tell it was so free and it was just so new to me! I hadnt allowed myself to indulge in content that felt silly and fun and also creative in ages!
(also, side note, I love Zane Romeave. hes my favourite aphmau character and my first ever reaction to him was "emo". little did i know id fall in luv with him...)
AHEEMM moving on, after watching part of episode two we moved onto watching another thing, but once the sleepover was over in the morning i started watching the SH!T out of mystreet! During my watch of season 1, I ABSOLUTELY fell in love with zanes character despite him being a lil..unbearable at times (zane dont u dare try ruin mah ship. AARMAU 4 EVAH) and at that point i think i unconsciously knew that i was hyperfixtated.
And having this one thing to watch, to love, to look foward to, made my life feel brighter. I was seeing, WATCHING, these characters have fun. Watching them be silly, and maybe a little childish, but more importantly they were being themselves. It made me want to be happier, it made me want to be myself aswell, but that wasnt the thing that really pushed me to do it
It was Aphmau herself that gave me the confidence 2 be me!!!
Mystreet and other aphmau series inspired me beyond belief, yes, but they inspired me to create my own stories and to start using my creative mind for something more useful. but, they didnt necessarily inspire me/ push me to start really being myself ((kawaii chan did inspire me tho hehe))
what actually pushed me to take that first step was hearing aphmaus experiences in life. I could relate to her, and i felt somewhat similar to her, but the difference was that aphmau was being herself. she was free as heck and i was watching her be herself while sitting in my room being a husk of the free, cringe and childish purrson i once was in primary school. it wouldve saddened me but it didnt!! I was done wallowing in regret and i was done hating who i was just cuz other people didnt like how 'cringe' or 'childish' i was!! Hearing aphmau tell her audience, including me, that they should always be themselves made me so, so inspired to take those first steps into finally being myself! i turned ovr a new leaf, and i would have never ever been able to do it without having watched aphmau.
so, after the holidays, my goal to be me was fully set in motion!! I was indulging in the things that i loved, and i even dyed my hair hot pink and got into scene fashion! I was drawing more than ever, writing more than ever, and being me more than ever. and that yearr @ skool i eventually got a great friend group, and even started a huge writing project! by the end of 2024, i had improved so much. Insecurities i had in 2023 werent there (thats also thanks to getting proper help from a therapist!!) and i was thriving!
and nowww that my goal to be myself is completed, i wanted to take on a new goal, and that is 2 inspire people just like aphmau did!!!! :3 someday imma inspire someone whos feeling alone and sad to take that first step into bettering themself, and its gunna be awesum!!
anywaysies my big rant is done!! stay hydrated and always b urself ^^ BAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAI
psssstt .. . link 2 the aphmau vid that inspired me the mostststs btw...:
Comments
Displaying 0 of 0 comments ( View all | Add Comment )