RRR | Pt. 12.5 - Emotions (Reo's Random Rants)

I recently made a return to SpaceHey and mentioned the two failed relationships I experienced this year. I made a recent rant about my relationship with "L", now I'm going to tell you guys about another girl, let's call her A.

A was a shy and sensitive girl, so I knew to be gentle with her feelings, but sometimes I'd end up hurting her feelings completely by accident. Sometimes she'd forgive me, and sometimes she'd take things much further than they were supposed to. I always tried my best to make her feel better, but I also knew to call her out when she was in the wrong. Sometimes she was upset for valid reasons, but other times she was just being unreasonable, getting upset at me or anybody for the smallest things. She would always get herself into tough situations and never do anything to get herself out of them, instead she always relied on other people to deal with her problems for her. At first when the relationship began, I really enjoyed spending time with her, being on call with her, playing games with her, watching movies/shows, ect. But overtime, things started to feel forced and repetitive, like I was only doing things for her and not for me. She used to be understanding when I'd tell her I wanted to play games or hang out with my friends, but after a while she started to act controlling, and she'd cry and beg just for my attention.

I would drop everything for her just so she'd be happy, but after dealing with it for so long I knew something had to change. I told her that I didn't want to feel forced to talk to her all day, everyday. At first she respected it, and then she went right back to doing what she usually did, crying and begging for my attention, constantly bugging me about our plans. It felt overwhelming having to give all of my time to my relationship and none to my friends and family, so I thought it might've been time to end the relationship for good. I tried distancing myself from her for a week before she noticed the difference in the amount of time we've been spending together, so she finally asked me if I had lost feelings. I told her yes and we ended up breaking up later that day, and I thought the relationship and all the stress I've been feeling because of it were over, but boy was I wrong.

A to this day is still very attached to me, she still asks me over and over if me and her are ever getting back together, and I've always given her the same answer. She sees the relationship that me and her had as the best relationship she's ever been in, so losing that put a huge impact on her, which makes her fail to accept that I simply moved on. I've told her many times, some in very harsh ways telling her that things will never go back to the way they were and she just has to accept that, but she can't. She's made several bad decisions since the breakup, and I can't help but blame myself for them, but I can't go back on my decision especially when I know nothing's going to change. She told me herself that she never tried to make any changes to herself, because she thought that I was willing to be with her no matter what and deal with the problems forever, but I couldn't just carry the weight of the entire relationship whilst still trying to be happy, so I did what I felt was best for me.

Since the breakup, I've been generally happy except for the moments where I had to deal with her. I genuinely hope she learns to accept and move on, and that things go right for her. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her, I just want her to find someone who deserves her more than I do.

I'm sorry for the long rant today, but I guess what I'm trying to say here is, being emotional or sensitive isn't a problem, it's how you deal with your emotions, and how you adapt to change. Also remember to know your value, and not to hurt yourself just so that other's can be happy, your happiness and peace means just as much as everybody else's. Letting people control your decisions will only lead to making every independent decision feel like the wrong one. Remember that you are still your own person and that before you find happiness and love in another person, you should learn to be happy with yourself first. Thank you to whoever decided to read this.