Revelation

1

I was weak, back then.

And I knew it.

I didn’t think I could fight for myself, for in my eyes I had no value and no reason or right to be happy.

So I fought for others.

Their happiness. Their contentment. I wanted them to be happy, and as long as they were, I believed I should be happy.
Because, this is my job. And if I’m fulfilling my purpose, I should be happy, right?
I was so naive then. I’d sacrifice my own well being for the sole purpose of giving others a good well being. And, even though it hurt, I still smiled. I smiled for them, because I knew they’d be happy when I did.
And I’d always say, “It doesn’t matter how I feel. At least I’m smiling right?”

2

I remember those days. Not with a fondness though. With hatred.

A hatred of myself. The pushover, the emotional punching bag,

The scared and depressed mess that I was.

I know my own value now. I know that I am worth something.

And I know that I am worth everything more to myself than anyone else ever should.
I wish I knew, back then. That I am the priority.
I must preserve myself. And it is not selfish to think so.
Should the strife someone else is facing not exceed that which I would endure if I am to save them, it is not worth it.

It is no longer my job to serve others. It is my job to fight for myself.

And fight for myself I shall. For I am the priority.