lonely ahh post (TW FOR BRAINROTTED DUMBASSES:LONG)

Not really something I usually post,but it’s low-key getting worse so

I feel upset.i dunno how to start this or even explain but i feel upset…I had a dream last night that I met some random dude,and for some reason I needed to meet up with some college students I guess???but yeah and we started to playfully fight each other and just do dumb stuff together….and at the last moment that dude laid upon me and hugged me tightly..

At that moment I felt so much loved like i genuinely felt some kind of warmth and joy I felt fulfilled..

And then I fking wake up.

I honestly cried like a fking idiot man,like why I had to even wake up atp just let me die in sleep 

And now to the part I really wanted to talk about…

I have a boyfriend.But he doesn’t like even care.i mean actually…I dunno..

He is okay as friend,he cares about people around him,tries to always help and yk is a nice friend 

But to me…it’s a bit different story,I mean he does this too but

The problem is that he barely texts,barely talks to me,barely even go out,and when we go out,you know, “stuff” happens…

I know he uses me.and I know that he probably cheats…im not sure but hearing some things my friends gossiped about him to me…he probably does 

“Okay so what?Why don’t you just leave him??”

Valid point,but problem is I don’t want to leave him..I know I really should but..I don’t want to be alone,I’m scared,and I need connection…and honestly this is like what,3rd time we are together???Im just so desperate and sick of endless loop of get together-break up..

I try to talk to him but he always has some esxuses like “i know i have troubles” yet he doesn’t want to open to me in slightest…LIKE WTF IS POINT OF OUR RELEATISHIP IF YOU NOT GONNA TALK AT ALL ABOUT ANYTHING???????I try to care,but i just cant anymore man

“Why dont you try to to find someone then?”

MAN….do you really think thats easy???man i WISH.But honestly in shithole ehere i live there is barely any people who are actually fking normal,everyone is just uuugghh BORING,AWFUL,TOXIC TRASH OF HUMAN BEING.atp i gonna pull up christchan move and lije make a application post and like just showe it up your face like

Idk honestly thanks for reading this whole ahh post pleasE FOR LIVE OF GOD SOMEONEEEEE HEEEEELPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEE HELLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPP ITS ESTING ME ISNIDE IDK WHAT TO DOOOOOO ATP