Divorced Parents Club -> Mean Dad?

Hey!

Enjoy this blog post about a part of my life that I wish wasn't true. Sit back and relax!

------

I remember when I was told about my parents' divorce. I was probably around 12 years old or so. In my mom's room, technically it's theirs, but my dad was rarely home due to work. I was watching A.N.T. Farm on the TV that was on top of the laundry basket, which was used as a stand. I reached the end of an episode, and my dad had walked in and sat on the corner of the bed. My mom was already in bed, probably playing on her phone. My mom told me to pause the TV and to turn around so we could talk. I was leaning against the bed on the floor. I knew this was serious due to her tone. I turned around and just looked at them.

My mom did the majority of the talking as my dad didn't speak any English. The conversation was along the lines of: it's not your fault, we still love and care for each other, and we will always love you. I remember my heart broke into a million pieces. I cried so much, my head started hurting. My dad sat there in silence and patted my back, the most amount of affection we shared. They seemed like they felt bad, because they could see how much it hurt me. I think they asked if I had any questions, but I don't think I did. All I did was continue watching A.N.T. Farm, with tears in my eyes...not the best thing.

I don't know why it affected me that much. I knew it was coming. I guess, I just didn't wanna face the fact it could've ended just like that! They fought almost every day. Constant bickering! It broke my heart every time I was between it. Like I said, I knew it was bound to happen. I remember talks of a separation, a couple of years prior. I guess with them having that label, they hoped it wouldn't sound too bad when I heard it. Nope, hurt just as much! 

And from that night on, I was officially part of the divorced parents club! One, I dreaded because who would ever wanna be a part of that?! We had an actual club at school that met during lunch in the library on Wednesdays. From what I remember, there was only one girl I knew who was in there. She wasn't cool, and I was definitely not stooping down to her level. I know that sounds very rude, but it's true...I wasn't gonna be seen as equal to her. Especially by going to this club/meeting where we -what!? sit around talking about how our parents are divorced and cry about it? I’d rather be upset about it on my own at my own place.

At the time, I don't think my dad was living with us. Again, he worked out of town a bunch, so he was home only on the weekends or a couple of times a month. All of this happened at the Manor house, so also during that time, my dad had gotten his kidney transplant. After that, he permanently moved in with us until they both passed. Funny...their reasoning for them living with each other was to make me happy. It made me so anxious, sad, and scared. There were/possibly other reasons they lived together (medically/financially), but that was their main reason.

After the Manor house, we lived in 2 more houses together, until they passed. With their rooms being near or next to each other at each house. They did everything for each other, well, in my eyes. My mom would cook/serve him, order his medicine, shave his head/back, and take care of him when he was sick. He would fix things for her, surprise her with her favorite candy, watch movies with us, and make her laugh. It seemed almost perfect...but it wasn't...far from it. 

In the last house we lived in, that's when I noticed it was going downhill. My dad seemed to have gotten meaner and more aggravated. He'd yell at me for the simplest of things. If my mom made a mistake, after he yelled at her, he'd yell at me. If my grandma did something, he'd yell at my mom, and then eventually at me. Some days he'd be fine, and then other days, there was no escaping his anger. I sound dramatic and I probably am, but it traumatized me.

But we'll get into that more later on. Until then, thanks for listening! Thank you for the episode of Degrassi where Clare is struggling with her parents fighting, a good one, I just watched, lol.

See you next time,

Zelly :)