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haiii spacehey long time no see ,, life update 4 months later ^_^ ill js do a quick rundown of everything i can rmbr from each month
january - idk i dont rmbr anything
february - i was kinda at a low point here and went back to my ex from 2023 BUT for only like a week πit didnt work out again bc he was more annoying than i remembered and i regretted going back
march - i ended up in the mental hospital (fremont hospital) from march 13-19 bc i was suicidal but then they put me in the ed program and tried to make me stay there for A MONTH!!!!! which in my opinion is so unreasonable bc i had been recovered for almost a whole year- like actually i have not been counting cals, haven't been thinking badly whenever i ate, haven't been thinking poorly about my body, etc. but these dumbass ppl at the hospital wouldn't believe me and kept me in the program where all the "treatment" i was getting was extremely large portions of food and no therapy. what kind of mental hospital doesn't provide therapy??? i needed help, someone to talk to, not 3 disgusting meals and snacks a day that were each the size of my torso. in fact these portions were so big that they brought back the food anxiety i hadn't had for long. it had been so long since i last worried about what my next meal is, how big it is, how many cals, etc. this place really ruined it all for me
april - i started taking lexapro and i didnt like it at all; the headaches and nausea were really bad and although it took away the constant overthinking and allowed me to not feel sad, i also felt like i was incapable of feeling happy as well. lost interest in everything
may (now)Β - stopped taking lexapro and started mirtazapine,, idk idt its going very well either. i feel like i still cant be happy except this time im very much able to feel sad and i still havent gotten my interest back on the things i used to like. i feel like a zombie almost
today's mood : empty |Β how i'd rate today : 3/10 Β |Β song of the day : everything goes on - porter robinson
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