AP Testing, and my extending feeling of disconnect from my peers.

We’re in the heart of AP testing in America, and i can’t help but feel like it’s finally making me realize what I’ve been feeling all year.

Many of my friends are taking AP classes, most of them being in the same AP classes. As I write this, i’m sitting in my AP Lang class, but I am surrounded by US History students. They sit, watching a teacher on youtube recount the long forgotten lessons from the last 180 days, in a desperate attempt to get a passing grade on their upcoming exam. 

That brings me to my current state. As of now, I’m only taking one AP class (the one i’m typing this from now), so I don’t have the arduous, painstaking, and stressful long night of studying in preparation of an upcoming exam this Friday. Frankly, a part of me feels pity for them. I understand what it’s like to work under the stress of a hard test. But, at the same time, I feel disconnected from my peers. Almost as if I’m missing out on something. Some sort of way to connect with those around me that I won’t be able to understand. I’ve recently come to the realization that i’ve had this sort of feeling all year. I feel like this year of school I’ve grown ever further from those around me. I don’t really feel a connection to those around me. Maybe it’s because I spend most of my days too high off fake carts that don’t taste a single bit like weed to have the ability TO care. Sure, I’ve got friends, I can walk into any bathroom and dap up any person and have a simple conversation with them. But my days are pretty simple. I wake up, groggy underrested from going to bed at 1:30 nearly every night, shower and get ready for school, I sit in class, either high, half asleep, or both. I go home, charge my phone, and head BACK to school for whatever sports practice i’m taking part in. Then i head home, and crash in my room till dinner. I eat, I talk with my family, and then I head back to my room.

My days aren’t eventful, they’re probably the closest to the definition of mundane as possible.

I think i’ll come to terms with it eventually, but hey, that’s for future me to work on. I’ve got Lang homework to write and job paperwork to fill out.

Be kind, Be safe.