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A trend I've noticed as I browse profiles in my boredom is the constant identification as a "boyfailure" or a "girlfailure" and I feel compelled to write a blog post pushing back against this sentiment. My hope is that I can help at least one person on this site realize it's not over, and their experience is not "failure," but normal.
On the surface, it makes sense: You're [x] years old, but you've lived so much less than your parents did at that age. Maybe you've never gone on a date or had a relationship. Maybe you have, but it ended up going terribly and burned you. Maybe you look back and think about how stupid you were and wish you could slap yourself for the mistakes you made. Maybe high school ended and you have no plan for the future and no way to connect with anyone anymore. Or you could be in college, hoping for "the experience" and instead getting boring, stressful classes and social anxiety as you lose contact with all your old friends and struggle to make new ones. Maybe you work long shifts and come home too exhausted to create the life you wish you could live. You secretly hate yourself for not trying harder, but everything you try to do ends up putting you back at square one. Maybe you decide to just give up.
First off, there's nothing wrong with you. What you're feeling is real, and it's not your fault. You're not alone. If you're Gen Z like me, half of your generation has never even been on a date, let alone had a relationship. Even small landmarks like getting a driver's license, getting a job or moving out have gone down dramatically.
So what does this mean for you?
Well, it means you're actually average. You might even be above average and not realize it. We keep comparing ourselves to older generations, but they had far more opportunities than we did and had an objectively healthier social sphere and culture. Comparing yourself to past generations is like comparing the running speed of someone on asphalt versus someone in quicksand. The past metrics of success being a car/spouse/house/career don't apply when there are no avenues of achieving them the same way others did. So, this means we need to refocus on what "making it" looks like for us. Here are just a few things I can think of off the top of my head:
If you can make it to 25 without
-having kids you can't afford
-getting a useless degree
-getting in high amounts of debt
-falling for subscription service vampires
-abusing substances like weed/alcohol
You will likely be ahead of 90% of your peers.
Yes, it's a low bar. Yes, that means you can literally stay still and move ahead, so relax. There's so much pressure being put on "moving forward," but there are so many things deliberately set up to ruin your life and enslave you. Half of Millennials are underemployed and can't find a job with their degree. What's worse, student loans cannot be defaulted with bankruptcy, meaning those poor graduates will be wage slaves their entire lives because they were lied to about the future. If they had simply worked a low wage job and put that money into an investment account, they'd nearly have a down payment on a house by the time their peers graduated.
My point isn't to tell you to avoid college- I'm graduating in a few days and I considered it worthwhile- my point is instead to illustrate how you continually undervalue yourself. My point isn't to be passive and let life pass you by, but rather to release some tension on the myth that life is passing you by. As long as you're better than you were yesterday, you'll make it. Just that mindset alone makes you more carefree, more capable, and ultimately more attractive.
You've only got one life to live, and it starts now.
Comments
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╔.☆Toby☆.═╗
Well that's sweet... Imma save this one for myself I might end up needing it again
G1rl_Fa1lure
Um but that’s literally my name
Milo ⛧
to be honest i've always referred to myself as a boyfailiure or boyloser as a joke, i never thought it was a thing people took seriously.
Me too tbh
by Teo-licious; ; Report
uncleonion♪
im someone thats always trying to be efficient because im uncertain on my future and this blog is incredibly insightful (: i appreciate this
𝐀𝐢𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠˚꩜.ᐟ
I love this! I really needed to hear it <3
givie gloom
Aww 🩷🩷🩷
seanderiko
So nice of you to spread positivity :)
Lia_is_a_mermaid
That's so beautifully said <3
╋⁶⁶⁶shvdgrl━☣︎𓃶🜏𖤐𓄃𓂀
this deserves way more views
alienlurk
This genuinely made me feel better about myself. Thank you so much,,,
Minxxx
I genuinely felt good after reading this. :3