Sick of it.

I'm literally just sick of it. I'm so tired of waiting to see if my antidepressant work or not, like you guys realize I still have to live every moment of every day right? Telling me "you have to be patient" does NOT make it any easier to live through the waiting period. 

I'm sick of people and I'm sick of this empty feeling that seems to be appearing more often, I'm sick of the guilt and shame from simply being incorrect, I'm sick of feeling ashamed for being perceived, I'm sick of dysphoria and anxiety and insecurity, I'm sick of the little jokes and slights made towards or about me that people think I don't notice, I'm sick of these people and these feelings and just all of it. 

I go to therapy and I talk about it but I still don't understand how I'm just supposed to keep living through it, if I hear "it's just not an option" one more time I might lose it. I don't understand why the help doesn't really seem to help no matter how much I cry for help, it's only become a bit more bearable for the years but God it's so exhausting.