Childhood

Today I passed by my old neighborhood which unlocked a lot of memories, my driver just had to pass by that fucking house, the house I grew up in and lived most of my life, 10 years from 3 to 13, the elementary schoolwhere I have my best days on, the neighbors houses, everything looked exactly the same and yet so different somehow 

Back to 2019, I had to move out that house against my well, everyone in my family didn't want to move out but my father made us do so, he had his resons of course, but I still blame him, he sell the house without our approval and just let us face the situation, it was very hard on all of us, my mom lost her friends and the business she worked so hard on, it was an exam session for me, I remember at the time me and my friends decided that we are going to go to the same middle school, this school only accepts you if your grades are 90+ and due to everything that happened I screwed up my finals and I couldn't make it to this school, while all of my friends did so, I was the only one that left behind, the crazy thing is none of my family comforted me about it, I remember how disappointed my mom was and tho I cried so hard the only thing that she said to me was "why?"

I don't wanna go into details but during 2019 to 2022 we had to move houses five fucking times, which always made me feel unsafe I never felt at home ever since, now we have been living on this neighborhood for 2 years and I still feel that I don't belong, I don't belong anywhere, at home, school, with my family or my friends, I always feel out of place

there's a part of my that never left the old house, And that made kind of a "hole" in my life growing up, I feel like I was a kid on day and the other I'm suddenly an adult, my dad ruined my whole teenagehood and I will never forgive him for that, or for the face that he don't even admit the damage he brings this family and keep playing the victim 

I hope I can grow out of it.