My head hurts from crying...

Millie Parfait made one of the most heartbreakingly beautiful videos I've seen in a while. I was doing so well, but then Krisis + Claude showed up together and I lost it. I lost it even more with the rest of Notyx. I don't think I sobbed that hard for so long in a while. To be honest, I really needed that. I recently learned that my Grandfather on my Dad's side has passed away and I've been kind of... numb. I have awful object permanence(if something isn't constantly in my life I forget/don't think about it). I don't "miss" people like others do. However, watching the video Millie made for Fulgur, you can tell how much love and care was put into it. I couldn't help but think about my Grandpa while watching, I miss him. He used to be such a big man, but the last time I saw him he was in a wheelchair and missing a leg... It felt weird to be taller than him, I never got to properly say goodbye. Now I'm listening to Radiohead- All I Need extended version. I might listen to Mitski and Alex G to fully encapsulate the crushing weight in my chest. 

You know what they say, "Never trust your thoughts at 3am." Also, I just wanted to say I'm okay. There's a lot of awful shit happening, but I'm okay. I'm just trying to "feel my feelings" as Fulgur Ovid would say. I'm just... tired. 

I hope all of you are having a better time than me. Hugs and kisses🫂.