Importance

on an unrelated problem i'm always wishing for some other things to become real and i know they wont but i'm always leaving God with a bunch of prayers that will never come true because half of the time, those wishes aren't good for me

but those wishes would be so nice, do you know how happy i would be? maybe i'd feel happy if someone cared for me like that, showed me how much they cared. that's what i want, thats my ideal, something like them

why aren't they real? i know people like that exist, why can't i find it? maybe if i become that person people will like me

i am worth something

i am worth something, i have purpose 

i exist i am a real person and i am here

i am important i am important i am loved and cared for 

do you ever watch those shows with a lot of characters and out of all of them, you pick your favorite?

i mean sure, maybe all the characters in that show are nice. nicer than you could ever be, more unique that they could ever be but there's someone that stands out.

the person that stands out could have a more basic personality and not as great as them but they are cherished and loved more than the other characters

i kind of compare that to who i am

i am a good person. my friends love me, i love people. but i am not doing enough. am i doing enough? i don't deem myself worthy if i'm not doing enough

characters that people favor usually are the most iconic/nicest ones... so i have to stand out some way.

but i'm a kind person, why don't i stand out either? is there already someone who is better than me, personality wise? all effort i do goes to waste because there is always someone better than me always someone who is favored more someone they will choose

those other characters that nobody else talks about are also important too you know. why doesn't anybody talk about them, because they're not important. they're not enough for the spotlight

i don't know if i'm ever going to be a "favorite character". i'm just overthinking it, but comparing myself to a "favorite character" is just like another metaphor of how i'm trying to find some worth in myself

i'm doing a good job. so why don't people pick me? should i be better? what am i doing wrong

i can accept the fact people are better than me... but not in personality wise. i get so jealous. they're loved so much, and as i try to get onto their level the more kind i am the more boring i get

it's a contradiction i guess. the kinder i get the more boring i am, and people dont wanna hang out with me. i wanna be kind and funny, but if i try to be as kind as the characters i adore i can never balance it out

i want to stand out i want to be unique. i want to be treated seriously. that's all i want, or i just want to feel like i AM being taken seriously. i dont like telling adults. what are they going to say? "it's just teenage problems hormones your period" 

i hate those words. you make me feel worse about myself than i already do when you say those

it's normal for my age and that's what i HATE. its not something i should ever hate but i hate being ordinary. i hate being reduced to nothing but what, normal teen years and hormones? why can't you tell me you understand for the bare minimum instead of reducing my problems to nothing? 

i'm emotional i know that. i get emotional and you can see why i'm writing this because i refuse to cope healthily 

im very selfish, i really just want people to like me. and i want to like myself, too. can i feel like i matter, or at least matter that much to someone? can i stand out to you, can i be the one friend that isn't irreplacable and you can rely on me?