mood atm

life now is starting to feel like listening to "Bright Eyes" even though i dont listen to them that much... "Pencey Prep" would be a more apt description. it feels like soggy leaves that are meant to crunch when you walk on them but then you remember you're in a small town that consists of mostly grass and nature, holding in the moisture from rainy days and turning autumn leaves soggy. which, you are mostly indifferent to, except for when you start to feel envious of big concrete cities that don't hold in the moisture on wet seasons, saving your shoes from getting soaked.

and then it feels weird when you start allowing breaths of laughter in your schools dreary hallways when you were meant to be doing that in the summer holidays over a picnic table at the beach. when you're meant to be feeling weighed down by the gossip that creeps around every inch of your town and every accident/tragedy that goes down. this wasn't supposed to be like a poem or anything but if you get the chance to express yourself you better take it because outside in the "real world" (or the world you've grown up in and become accustomed to) you wont be so easily accepted when wearing your heart on your sleeve. so what good is there to do in a place where the stores are all the same just like the people, other than huddling together on cracked sidewalks and pretending to be in some place that the sun shines every day.

would it seriously be any different, seeing crushed cigarettes on the ground somewhere else than here? would the view of hazy orange sunsets or grey morning fog be any lighter if i were somewhere else?

but i find myself wanting to keep my life feeling the way it is now, even if it means some struggles will be more difficult to get through without tangled wired headphones and overpriced gas station coffee. i think bittersweet is the closest to being perfectly in the middle as anyone can get, you just need an acquired taste for it.