life rn????!

So this past month has been a. interesting experience??? I hate how I’ve been lied to. Like my best friend (which is now my ex bestfriend), literally called me annoying after I asked all the time. “I don’t wanna hear about your relapsing, it makes me uncomfortable.” Okay, so you can tell me now? 😐 and didn’t tell me later when I first vented to you? If you don’t want me to vent fine. Like? and I used to have this mega crush on her. she rejected me, yea but literally told me she liked me when I was finally dating someone, and I still had something for her. I loved who I was dating but tbh she’s kinda a btc. Like I was confused broke up with my girlfriend for her and she dated someone else. She said, “Oh I’m sorry I like you and I understand if you don’t wanna be my friend anymore and you’re dating ‘B’.” Being the dumb fool I am I said that I liked her back. I get it she was closeted but she should’ve made it clear when I liked her and she ‘liked’ me back. My drawings make her uncomfortable? Well then why would she ask me to keep on drawing her, she’d tease me and tell me to keep drawing her so I did, just for her to be uncomfortable with it? 😗😛  I honestly think that’s kinda stupid, smh. “You still like me” NO TF I DON’T, I literally have a gf (I love her so muchhh <3) and I was going to tell you but guess what? we aren’t friends anymore. 😊 (also long distance friend I had with my ex friend because I moved) and this worst part? i’m guilty. still. what I did to that girl was wrong but at the same time it takes long to control my feelings. “You don’t make sense” wdym? then why tf did you say real to everything I said? 😋 make THAT make sense :|. “I can’t handle a long distance friendship” you can’t handle sending tiktoks and laughing about them? It’s basically if I was there except it’s like after school or smthing. “You have too much energy” god forbid a girl for trying to lighten up the mood because I ruined our friendship because of past mistakes ^^ “Our personalities don’t match” I’m sorry but are we the same person-? well duh we have different personalities, we can’t just automatically be like “Oh we have the same mindset!! Our personalities match!! 😃” no 😐, that’s not how it works, you’re acting as if we didn’t have things in common? like she literally told me word for word “I feel like I can tell you anything you know?” I guess not because something would happen and she’d tell me like 2 months later..! wtf. I tell her things the moment it happens she used to tell me stuff until my crush on her happened. But tbh. I miss being her friend. I’m saying all this, yea but. I just want the person who’d would sit next to me in science piss off our science teacher and say, “I’m cooking!! 😝” “Cooking what? 🤨” “Hotdogs 😎” and we’d laugh for no reason it wasn’t even funny but we were laughing so hard. why can’t it be like that. I miss laughing with the girl who’d I’d say, “You know where to find me” and she’d say, “AND I KMOW WHERE TO LOOK!!” :( I really miss my friend.. if you’ reading this yk who you are I’m like really sorry.. I didn’t  mean to make you uncomfortable even though you hate when I say sorry like this but I can’t help it. I really wanna start over and be friends again. I won’t take up much time I swear!! I won’t use much energy at all and I’ll be calm like you are. Please come back :(