I want to experience traveling alone

My 18th birthday is coming up soon and I'm not really used to celebrations. However I am aware that this is a big milestone in my life and I should probably do something. Unfortunately my family have no plans on doing anything. They've been like that for years, probably the cause why I no longer like celebrations since I'm used to treating my bday as any other day. But my friends wanted to plan something for me, which I'm really grateful for. But I recently got the news that they won't be available. Since it's school vacation, most families travel back to their province to enjoy their vacay. And my friends' family ended up doing the same. I'm not really upset about it, like I said before I'm fine with literally doing nothing for my bday. But I also mentioned that I still wanted to do something, and I thought to myself, I've always wanted to try traveling alone.

I wanna go for a nature walk, I wanna see the water, I wanna go to places I've never been before. But the thing is, I'm really sheltered and I have a strict family. I mean I can lie my way out, I'm good at that. But travelling? I don't have any experience at all. Planning right now fills me with thrill and fear. Thrill because I finally get to experience what it's like to be free, and fear because I have never experienced this before. What if I get kidnapped? What if I got lost? What if things didn't go my way? A lot of possibilities that would put me in danger but despite me yapping rn, I am determined to step outside.

I'm going to travel alone, I'll do it with fear, I'll do it with excitement. I want to do something for me for once. I might sound irrational but can you blame me? I've always been caged to this lifeless house and never have I complained to our living conditions. Instead I followed every expectation my family sets for me. I don't blame them, I know they did that for what's best for me.

Another reason why I want to travel alone is because deep inside, I am upset with my family. And I don't want to spend another bday around people who wouldn't want to acknowledge my existence. I still have some rage left, I guess you can say this feeling is a bit immature but I really can't help but be upset. I understand that our current living condition is one of the reasons why we don't do celebrations. Heck we can't even afford eating 3 times a day sometimes. We are not in a right condition to fulfill my selfish desires I understand that, yet I still feel this way djdndjdnddjsj

Wait holon I yapped too much, I'm supposed to be talking about traveling alone. Well uh ty for reading all of this, I guess I just couldn't help but pour out what I'm feeling rn.