Somewhere I belong

Ever since I was a kid, I feel like I don't belong anywhere.

While I was in Elementary School, while I occasionally get included to play with my friends on the playground, most of the time I played alone or get bullied by someone. However, I get left out in group activities so the teacher either group me with someone I don't know or make me work by myself (which isn't the right thing to do.)

In Middle School and High School, I get included more into group activities than I did back in Elementary School. But I still get excluded from time to time like for an example in High School I was in band class hanging out with some "friends" and they always never included me into their conversations, I felt like I was invisible to them. I'm not sure they secretly don't like me. Another time at the anime club I attended, I felt invisible as well, and I think the reason behind it is because my interest in anime is different because I hate Naruto (The anime club has an obsession with Naruto for some reason.) One time I wanted to show the anime K-ON! to the anime club, but the president of the anime club said "No!" because it's there's no English dub (This was back in April 2009 mind you, and there's wasn't an English dub of K-ON! back then.) I was so frustrated that I quit the anime club.

In adulthood, it's better and worse at the same time. It's better because of the internet and I get included in conversations. It's worse because I'm still not included in activities. I used to go to the autism meetup in Tempe, AZ that happens once a month and while I was included, but to be honest I felt distant. May I remind you that I have autism and I can't even fit into my own kind, unless it's online on occasion. Later I worked at a place where I work with other people with autism, and even then, I felt distant. but I didn't quit because I needed the money. Now I work part-time in a warehouse, and while I get included in lunches, but I get left out of my co-workers' conservations most of the time.

I plan on going to a transgender meetup at Brick Road Coffee in Tempe, AZ at some point, I plan on going to a LGBTQ+ meetup at the mental health clinic I go to, and I hope I can find another autism meetup and I hope it's within Mesa, AZ this time because I don't want to make my parents drive me to Tempe, AZ once a month. In the end, I hope I can find a place I belong.

Love

Cecilia Marie Perry