dairy

02/05/2025, 9:42PM...today i woke up later than i wanted to, i played some games and then iwent the the friday mosque it was nice no rpoblems, then me and my family went the restount that we always go to and i a te pizza like always, once we came home i was planning to go to the mall but me and my amam was tird so she went to sleep and i played all upto now hwere im now eating pizza, snickers, bounty, and a glass of water.

i hate hpw my iife is going to fast and i just cant keep up, i hate how much of a loser i am i wish i was special or a nepo baby or a genius so i wouldnt have to struggle, soon when i turn 16 i will have to start taking life serously and stop wasting hours playing dumb games and watching videos or doomscrolling, im not sure how i will make it.

my parents are now constanly talking about college, but to be honest im not sure i will make it, i always told myslef i will not make it past 19 and no im no longer thinking about killing myslef but i dont how im get up and suceed in college for 6 years if i have been a lazy bum all my life.

there is a very big secret that i have that i wont dare tell anyone i know, that seccret is that havent been doing my daily prayers since 1 and a half years ago, im not proud of myself i wish i wasent so lazy so i can do them, maybe thats why i feel so worthless i usally question if allaah has long forggoten me or sealed my heart, but online are saying if im still thinking about him till now and i still worrie bout praying then my heart has not yet been sealed, so i guess thats good but i just wish i wasent so lazy, i know im always complaining but its hard to take the first step, eveerthing is becasue of me, becuase i am the one who decicdes not to do anything and that is what hurts the most, i wihs i was neevr born that i didnt gane concsues so i wouldnt have to be a uselesss sack of meat with a soul. 

im gonna try to do stuff like make deadlines on my apps so maybe that will stop me from spendong too much time on useless apps, i dont eveen have any hobbies even with all the time i have. i dislike myself. 

i will try to talk about my day and thoughs since i have no irl friends since i was 9.