having no friends in school sucks

i don’t care if anybody reads this or not, i just wanna get my feelings out.

having no friends is actually the most draining thing ever. especially if you WANT to be social and make friends. sure i like to be alone sometimes, but i don’t want to be lonely. i want to make friends so bad but i can’t push myself to do so. ever since high school started and all my friends went to different schools, it’s been like hell on earth. it’s so bad. i’m treated like a joke, like i’m something that has no feelings. i’m used for answers, since they’re too lazy to pay attention. sometimes i even get hit with the “my friend over there likes you” thing that immature boys do to make fun of girls they think are “weird” or “ugly”.

i sit alone at lunch in the auditorium (because it’s open for lunch) and recently large group of people have been sitting by me talking loudly and being obnoxious. its so obvious that they are doing it on purpose too, since i’ve always sat there since the beginning of the year and there are PLENTY of open seats far away from me. i take it as like a form of mockery. you’d think if they saw a person by themself, they’d go somewhere that’s away from them and not be all up in their space, right? like, these people were so close to me that their voices were literally in my ear.

another time a few days ago i was in my italian class and we were starting a project. the teacher picked out partners for us and she said, “i’ve picked partners based on people that would like to work with eachother” and she put me with some dude i don’t even like. he’s annoying, loud, talks over the teacher, causes problems with his friends, and she thinks i’d get along with him??? just a little note by the way, this teacher KNOWS i don’t like him and his friends. anyway, once she announced that we had to be partners, he started complaining INSTANTLY. “i don’t wanna work with her!” “can i switch please?” “she doesn’t look mentally there”

he said all of this in front of me. like, wow. low, dude. i haven’t even done anything to him either. i don’t even talk in class at all and my dislike towards him was pretty much kept to myself. it hurt a lot, and i went home and cried over it. it’s crazy how words can really hurt and affect someone. i will never understand why people feel the need to be so mean.

oops…this is kinda long. who cares, really.