TO THE ANKH GIRL...

Dear you,

  It’s ridiculous how I have to think before writing to you now. There are no words left — only a long silence between sentences.

  I’m lost, and you’re not coming back. Maybe saying it out loud will make it feel you would. I do know being a pessimist has brought me luck in the past few years. But you were never luck. I have loved you on purpose. I love you on purpose. I hurt myself on purpose because you were always the idea, and God knows I’ll regret it.

  My words sound meaningless now, even this part of me you took with you.

  Damn you.

  Damn you in English, in Portuguese, in German — in every language you existed for me.