Hopelessness

I'm sick of everything. I'm sick of buying, eating, talking, and even playing games. I hate studying, I hate doing homework, and I hate leaving my bed. But I hate it at home too. My parents are fucking miserable human beings, and even hearing them speak sets me off. I hate them. I hate them so fucking much. I especially hate it when they switch moods like crazy. One minute they could scream and cry about how everyone must hate them because I lost my wallet, and the next minute they'll be all smiles and joy. 

I just don't see why I'm still alive. I'm sick of the same things happening with no change to my happiness. More money, better games, more play time, even skipping class doesn't make me any happier. I'm so sick of feeling this way. Why? Why is everything still so miserable when I'm technically doing better than before? Why is it that the closer I am to the end of my misery, the end of my spring semester, I feel worse?

I thought that Spring Break would make me feel better, but I just felt worse. Every goddamn second I spent during that break was doom scrolling and playing video games. And my grades are starting to suffer for it. But I don't even feel the fear of failure anymore. Just numbness and agony.