disgrace.diaries.4.29.25

i'm veronica disgrace xP 

you can call me roni! v.disgrace iz my stage name xx

i'm gonna write a disgrace diaries entry every day if i can & hopefully someone will find this slop when i'm famous

4.29.25: "the warmth of your embrace melts my frostbitten spirit"

-red sam by flyleaf, song of the day  

i shattered the glass window i sat against on the bus with my eyes today, forcing the presence of my best friend next 2 me to the outermost corners of my mind. i felt the slight chill that suspends in the air like a thought as the thinker falls to their death. it felt comfortable compared to her aura. once she sparkled, golden, but she is cold sparks going hot. the sparks of a burned house that falls the the ground, like the thinker. like us. our connection severed too easily. she was pulled from me far too easily. i thought about the thinker again...was the name roni disgrace written in blood on their arm, representing the persona she could never be, the shoes she could never fill? was she listening 2 red sam by flyleaf? was she still waiting for the day she could relate to the lyrics? maybe itz my suicidal ideation, or the jealousy of my friend, or my bleeding wrists, my self obsessed illnesses. all i can think of now is cutting MYSELF, starving MYSELF, killing MYSELF. i don't know how to give myself up to God. i don't know how to relate to these fucking lyrics. why was i raised in the church? why am i gay? why can't i believe? why do i only think of myself? why can't i express the thoughts so eloquent and creative, flowing so smoothly within myself? why must reality tear up my insides, my soul which i pour to complete strangers, turning them into something cliche, something already said?

 i also bought these cute v necks from the thrift