it is interesting to choose you own contept space over an ideal life

i just sit here you know hoping and praying for the best. its a safe space even though ideal it isnt even safe in the long run.

also this account i know will get banned just like my other ones but I genuinely have no other place to post. I could make a throwaway that would be good expecially since the one I have on reddit is like way too connected to my real life and I think i would get called many many slurs if peope really knew me because its like hiding in a fucking nazi state as a jew or a fucking muslim in isreal.

enough "politics" (even though its fucking human decency) I am of mind today having taken a hike, swim, and sunbath-- AND BATH WOAH... so I can type at a 45% coherency.

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Ive been craving alot of water im not sure whgy. I have been eating a lot because it isa an adiction and I am fat lard sadly i hate it im ugly and so ive eaten too much sodium which makes one thirsty. i was going to go to steakn shake after the hike but just went to get food that i knew I wouldnt have to pay for (sort of). i can not cook genuinely. yknow the world really sets you up for failure like that they should have made culinary class req in HS and payed more for the course so people could actually cook for themself but HWO cares yknow WHO ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK !!!!!

i mad ethe playlist that is in refefrence to my struggle with the disownment. It starts of like oh im trying to love my dad but it hurts to OMG RAGE RAGE to DEATH bc he killed me and then oh... this is weird very sad sad times ig but also confusing to AAAA healing iggg...???? fuck if I know idgaf about these assignments anymore i cry over them and piss on them even though they are digital

pile and pile up bc i dont care anymore i do but i cant it hurts too much it is too much it too much

anyway dont kill u r ssss iggg ha ..4..4... byeee