3RD UPDATE

(Context on my previous blogs):

Me and her were talking about random stuff, and somehow the topic got to toxic relationships,which is ours, I'm quite unfiltered around her so I was like,yeah I like it,it makes any plot interesting but then again aside fiction it's wrong,big mistake and anyone would admit.She told me that "we are in a toxic relationship" and then the topic got specificized to "one partner tells the other to get worser in their unhealthy addiction".She told me that,that was us and she's the one influencing me and she likes influencing me for self harm,what?I told her jokingly oh shush you joke you're the dominant one or whatever and she said maybe I am,before I didn't get it now I do.It's whatever,so I thought.This caused me to be really anxious.Does she want me to cut again?I told her I didn't want to,she knows I declined.

Confrontation:

Now I'm not (?) afraid of confrontation, well maybe I am but not like the usual person even despite GAD.I don't like how you said that ---,that's wrong, I agreed we could do that, though I declined on the self harm of me, not of you though. I'm smart in a sense I'm aware that this is toxic but you can't just say that. I'm still a growing person. Now why would you enjoy my suffering, though I claimed before I liked her suffering,why are we both into this toxic dynamic?..

Response (which was muddled up but we both fixed it together!(?):

I said that?I'm sorry for calling you a pussy for not wanting to cut, I don't know why I said that, I'm too comfortable as in I talk to you like I talk to myself, which is harshly,I don't know what's wrong with me haha but yeah I'm sorry and I'll try not to be toxic haha!

Did I forgive her?

I don't know.

Neutral. 

I don't trust my own thoughts anymore, paranoia and OCD just finished me.

Thank you.