there's good music everywhere with those for ears to hear it

in a literal sense, I'm referring to this mashup of azealia banks' '1991' with the vocals of 'roman's revenge' by nicki minaj. it sounds so goooood !!!! I'm trying to let myself enjoy the things that I really love, after all the stress I've been through within the past month. I found out about the non-azealia vocal version through You guessed it: a tiktok shitpost on pinterest. but I've been loving azealia's music lately, & naturally this remix is, well, like music to my ears. she's my new doja cat. I Blasted her back in 2021-22. (speaking of:)

I've realised one of the most important ingredients to any good glow-up (of mine, anyway): reduced social pressure. my last serious attempt at getting my shit straight took place in 2021/22, when my area was under so many covid-19 lockdowns & restrictions that Going Anywhere or Doing Anything wasn't really on anybody's mind. as such, I spent a lot of time at home, & most of my socialisation with irl friends took place online. I actually thought this was great, because I was able to get my work done pretty quickly & then could use all of my remaining energy to focus on my own life, with no other exhausting day-to-day logistics to manage.

I anticipate that I'll soon be facing less pressure to socialise. not just because *gestures vaguely at the past month*, but because I'm consciously choosing to start enjoying alone time at school, & it'll take time for new people to find their way into my life. I visualise it as follows; standing in the waters of life's beach, I can see that a massive wave of opportunity is coming my way, & that I just have to be ready to catch it. my surf-riding tools will be as follows:

the crappy childhood fairy's 'daily practice'

I spend a fair amount of my free time watching 'the crappy childhood fairy' on youtube (which I find to be quite fun actually...), & she frequently discusses her 'daily practice' - how it's helped her manage intense emotions with consistency & approachability, & opened the door to not just recovery, but growth. I've found this really compelling, & finally feel like the time is right for me to give it a try. I'll just give it a go & get back to you all- I'm not in the business of converting people. the fairy herself said that she lets the positive impact of the practice on her life speak for itself, & that's the approach I'll be taking.

for that reason, I decided to buy a new notebook to be used solely for the daily practice. believe it or not, I soon after found a notebook with wisteria on its cover available at one of my local retail chains! knowing that the wisteria, a flower (& kamon *bites tongue*) that means the world to me, has my back right now is a huge reassurance & relief. with its support, I feel less alone as I work on positioning myself to best 'catch the wave'. 

the power of movement

another hallmark of that era was my working out every day. while I'm not very interested in replicating the exact exercises I used then, I saw two huge positive effects: the toning of my body & development of more robust muscular infrastructure really improved my self-confidence, & the consistency with which I exercised intensely helped me clear my mind & focus better on my other goals. while I'm not exactly copying the approach I used then, I've realised the importance of not just setting clear goals, but having strategies on following through with my intentions, & being enthusiastic about whatever I'm doing. lacking any of these, I become aimless & dissatisfied- more likely to quit. I have no issue with adjusting as I see fit, but I don't want to give up.

so, here are some goals:

• upon waking in the morning, I can do some core-strengthening exercises in bed. I did it back then, & it was something I really enjoyed! it's also a really easy way to make sure you get *some* movement in, no matter what else happens that day. additionally, I already have a collection of reference exercises, reducing the logistical barrier to entry.
• I'll take a 20 minute walk. the question is: before or after school? each have their pros & cons. I need to get clear about which time of day it'll be, though, because when I'm unsure, it's easy for me to slack off. I think 20 minutes is reasonable- I have a tendency to overdo things & burn out, which is why I couldn't build up a routine in the first place. 
• somatic exercises before bed. I've been absolutely bombarded with them lately. I used to be skeptical & uncomfortable about them, but I also recognise the importance of movement when trying to coax one's nervous system out of a freeze response. I'm happy for the other exercises to be somewhat absent-minded, because the emphasis is on engaging in a variety of movement. I'm primarily incorporating somatic movements with the specific goal of releasing the day's stress & developing a stable state of regulation. 
• I find that the disciplined & purposeful nature of nihon buyō helps me release intense emotions, & it's valuable to have both mental & physical outlets. more generally, putting on music & dancing it out whenever I feel like it is a fun & more importantly approachable way to enjoy refreshing physical movement. 
• bonus: I really miss doing yoga! I don't think the practitioner I used to visit still runs the free youth sessions she did, but god I loved yoga. I found it to be really enriching & I always left at the end with a clear, peaceful mind. (& for that matter, I also loved the yoga teacher. I just don't think I could practice yoga with youtube videos. I need to be in an in-person class.)

maybe some of these will be more introduced more gradually than others. I'd also like to return to strength training, but I'll have to first identify what it was that killed my enjoyment of it in the first place.

...

I'm content with leaving my intentions at the planning stage for tonight. I'll look further into the 'getting there part' over the next day. I'm content with just sharing my plans, but as always, you're more than welcome to leave your thoughts. are you in a similar place of self-prioritisation right now? what does that look like for you? - thank you for your time! I'm so grateful for your continued company.