𐙚⋆°｡⋆♡ gabichan's diary - growth

hiii spacehey!!!! ive been very thinky lately so here are my thoughts!!! 

since i started my new job, ive been surprisingly keeping my act together pretty well. i started to wonder if my frontal lobe is developing, because everything seems a little more serious and kind of just.. necessary. ive fallen into spirals already, but ive managed to dig myself out of them easier than i could before. if i ever feel like, "ughhh, i hate this" i just remind myself that ill get to go home, relax, and then feel rejuvenated for the next day. even though sometimes it doesnt really go like that... lol

today for example, i had some pretty rough anxiety. im still sort of battling it even as i type this. i feel almost a sense of dread for tomorrow because itll be a 9 hour shift, but last time i worked a 9 hour it went by surprisingly fast, so im crossing my fingers that this one will too. even if not, i dont completely hate this job. some of my anxiety probably comes from the fact that ill be meeting some new people and working with some that ive only met in passing. and my coworkers were warning me today that this one girl ill be meeting likes to gossip and bring up things from the past that will "make it harder to work with some people"... i love gossip, but it has my brain going a million miles a minute trying to figure out what could possibly be so bad about some of my coworkers that i wouldnt wanna work with them anymore. so far i like all of them a lot.

they also warned me about this one girl who apparently pries for information from people and then gossips about their personal lives, so that made me nervous. i dont think i work with her anytime soon, so fingers crossed i guess? i think nowadays im a pretty non-problematic person, but i can think of a few things about me that might rub people the wrong way, like my boyfriend's age or my mental illness. i might try to stay quiet about those things, but my relationship is a big part of my life and unfortunately, so is my mental health. 

but speaking of that, i feel like im on a good recovery path finally. i hope it stays this way so i dont end up eating my words, lol. but i know recovery isnt always linear and i should expect to still have hard days that i cant just talk myself out of. 

but ill push through, i wont give up, because i cant give up. im taking my life back, one nightly cocktail of medication at a time. 

anyways, p-chan is coming back with cannolis for me in a few minutes! so im going to browse spacehey and then chill. goodbye for now!!