27/04/25

hey, it's ryan. it's almost 12 in the afternoon and a Sunday, so again, i think it will be a relatively chill day. i am going to watch the 1991 addams family movie under the comfort of my blanket and soft pillows while i forget everything and anything around me. ill probably forget to eat and drink too but if i do ill remember that im human with needs and responsibilities and school and family and im not going to ruin the chill day with an existential crisis for the future.

after watching the movie i might continue writing short stories with instrumental danny elfman soundtracks playing in the background. the best ambience for me to write, an inspiration firework for sure. but yeah, ive been writing longer stuff on my journal, and after writing one short story, it makes me wanna write more. but never a full novel. i have the passion, but i don't like being tied down to things. 

anyway, gotta get to the movie. i can hear my parents fighting outside my room. see ya

xo, ry

update: ryan here. still the same day... i just want to rant a little. i cant ever finish new movies/movies i havent watched, my attention span is diverted away from me. instead of watching addams family i found myself rewatching aristocats. i can't ever explain my love for classic disney movies even though i just got into it last year and im upset that that kind of style of movies will never be brought back. the shorter term for this is called nostalgia.

i would say it reminds me of childhood, but how can i miss something i never had? or remembered? reliving nostalgia is kind of ironic. maybe it's the feeling of pure innocence that i miss or craved. maybe it's the feeling of escapism. i don't know.

as a kid i watched series more than movies because i always felt empty after watching a movie. im easily attached. like i needed more, more to watch, more of this fictional life of someone else. i binge watched harry potter and rewatched it over and over, followed the whole star wars trilogy, bbc merlin, anything i could get my hands on. and now it's kind of funny because i can never write things in the fantasy genre. sure, i can turn real life events that happened to me to something more fictional, but never a fairytale. its too... real to be a fairtytale. it's a weird balance, consuming fantasy while writing grounds me back to earth.

i would say the stuff i used to watch before and now are different. it feels different too. i dont miss any of the series i watched but disney, again, gives me that weird feeling of nostalgia. and i never watched that much disney as a kid. the series is just a passing memory to me, while disney sticks. shouldnt it be the other way around?

i love stories. stories stories stories even the music i listen to have atleast some form of storytelling. evelyn evelyn, dresdon dolls, patd, and movie soundtracks. even if their instrumental i can remember the scene that happens and a scene is a setting and a setting is a story

another thing is school really kills. homework is bullshit. weekends have the word end for a reason. and they blame it on time management when it's really not. school takes away individualism. free time is replaced with studying or more work, but im not going to submit to that. im not going to give myself to something i won't remember 10 years later 

anyway. i could be a disney princess or a disney cat stuck in a 16 yr old boy's body. we never know