Video didn't kill the radio star

Have you ever had a car that the cd player or even tape cassette player doesn't work? You're probably laughing right now thinking about me remembering tape cassettes and cigarette ash trays in car, but it still doesn't take aways from the point if you know what I am talking about. Tonight I rounded up the kids to go out to my brothers, my mailbox is out there as the apartment complex I live in never provided me with one. 

On the way home, the local radio station radio decided to play "Queen- Somebody to love" and I took and extra road on the way home. Have you ever had a song just hit you in your soul so hard that you just needed to drive around to listen to the end? I hope people going into these new generations and new technology get the same out of finding a good song on pandora or youtube. I know I've had a couple of those. I might write about them soon. 

I thought about life while I drove. My mind went to my most recent ex. I am still angry at him, but I wonder what he is doing. I wonder also if life will ever be different. If I will move, if maybe one day I will have a husband. If at 27 it's really okay to not have a partner, and by that I don't mean just a mate. I mean like a person to say "well that's my person". someone you tell when things are good, or things are bad. I have a lot more bad to tell than good in most cases, but in my job I was beginning to feel like I'd never have anyone to tell my newest accomplishment to face to face. 

Then almost as soon as I went to pull into the house, "Pearl Jam- Still Alive" came on, so I had to make another round. I decided to go down a road the kids had been asking about "exploring" to find it had a big hill. That's when I got my wings as a "cool parent" because I was actually not too anxious to go down it just fast enough to make their bellies jump. 

To be honest with you, in the car I found myself thinking about my ex. I have been blocking these thoughts out by cleaning literally everything I can. My house is in tip top shape all except for a good mop. 

I also ended up having a different ex over last night. I really don't want to discuss this but I am trying to be as transparent as possible because when I read stuff like this, for the sake of being really relatable. I am a broken and flawed person, and I'm gonna' probably disappoint ya'll more than I make you feel pride or comfort. 

We drank a couple beers and watched Joe Pera. I was so excited to show it to someone, but we sort of talked most of the way through. I told him about my job, and getting to top 7% on of, my anxieties about moving, and my fear of that I may never be able to. He told me all about a series of events that again has caused his life to go downhill, and how much he wants to finally move, but it's kind of the same thing I've heard from him for as long as I've known him, and as bad as he wants people to think he has the drive, he just doesn't have it enough to really finish his plans. 

He stayed the night, and left this morning. While I know I can't allow this to get out of hand, it was nice to have him around. I am not sure what's going to come of it, I know he and I are pretty much toxic together and I have to keep reminding him I am just looking for a friend right now. 

Isn't it weird how a person or a song can take you 10 years back? I wish I wasn't a "grown up" a lot of the time. 

I hope you're warm, happy, and much less confused than I am wherever you are reading this from.