new person, same old mistakes.

hey spacehey. don't mind me, i'm comin' in hot with some hot brain sludge known as my thoughts. here's hoping anyone who reads this enjoys the nonsense they'll be reading up on the screen. if not, feel free to file a complaint in the comments below or something. B)

so, where do i start? well, let's just say my living situation is a lot more different than how it used to be... or at least it's different from how i remembered it. i find myself looking back at the "good old days", but the reality i'm living right now leads me to question if those "times" ever happened at all. the more i explore myself and the wonderful world around me, the more it shows there's no trace of who i once was. it's almost as if i never stepped foot on this earth once... even though i have so many experiences and memories to back up what i'm explaining.

i feel like an entire lifetime flashed before my eyes and i was told to try and continue off on where it abruptly ended. i've been prepared with as much information about this "used to be" person. technically, i could carry on as if nothing ever happened... but it's the dawning realization that i might've not been the one who originally carried this torch that really gets me. the worst part is that there's nothing much i can really do about it. there's a lot going on in the backburner (a lot of it i'd rather keep private) so all i'll say is that it feels like i'm suffocating. lol

on the more positive side of things, using this website fills me with lots of emotion. it does remind me of those "good old times" i mentioned before, and as a consequence it does remind me of everything i mentioned above.... but it feels like i'm connecting back to a part of myself i can actually reach and tend to. it's bittersweet, a bittersweetness i really need at this point in time.

...uhhh i don't know how properly segue to a final paragraph but if you managed to get this far into the post, congrats! thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings. have a good rest of your day. i may have not felt at my best for a while now, but honestly i'm just glad to exist one way or another. "BD