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i don't know if anyone even ever reads these but hey guysss
i have been depressed. like really depressed. i've been unemployed for 3 months and it's been almost 2 years since i've felt any kind of emotional intimacy with anyone. other than the odd time i go out for a walk or something i've just been stuck in my house and i am so sick of it but lack any drive to change my life. i don't know how to make friends. i don't want to have to work 5 days a week just to barely survive. the only real aspiration i have is to become a musician but none of my songs have been getting any attention anywhere. i used to think i was cursed but i now realize i just lack the social skills i need to advertise or network or whatever and i just don't want to build them. i hate people. i hate this modern world. i don't want to live in it anymore.
my gender dysphoria has been so bad. i hate looking in the mirror and seeing a face that feels like it shouldn't be mine. there is seriously nothing i want more than for my soul to be freed. i've had visions of what the afterlife looks like. it's an orchard in spring, and it looks beautiful. i want to go there so bad and just free my soul from my body's problems.
idk why i'm posting all this here ig i'm just not worried about hiding these issues anymore, and hoping maybe someone cares enough to read this or has some advice. i've talked to a couple of my internet friends about it but their advice doesn't give me any motivation to keep going. i'm not doing anything drastic yet, but if something doesn't change for me the next time i get a big depression wave this might be it.
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stinepåpinne
Hey Autumn! Just read your post and i wanted to say that i see you. In fact im certaint alot of people do. Your also really brave for even posting this, and you reaching out says alot about you as a person. What i see is a person whos hurting, but also a person thats willing to try. Alot of people dont carry that strenght.
I also really liked the way you added the orchard in spring, you definetly have a very artistic and poetic side to you that i think is worth living for. I get that your tierd and that is absolutley, completly fine. And life goes slow, and sometimes too slow, but in the end who knows what will happend? You know, maybe you'll become a musician and you will be happy you stayed. I sure think its worth a shot. 💘
GUTZZ
I think you should really contact 988 I know it’ll suck and be really awkward but it’s gonna help. I really don’t know what to say to help. I’m only in middle school but really want you to say.
As stupid as it sounds I really want you to try and find at least one thing to look forward too. A show getting new season a book coming out anything.
Like I said I know this might not. Help but please don’t do anything drastic. Love you, even though I don’t know your name. You seem like you just need some help or someone to talk to
gobbledygook
You're truly amazing for opening up about this. It's genuinely tough to live in our world, and your feelings are completely valid. I'm certain you're a beautiful soul, but that doesn't negate your struggles. Life is absolutely worth living.
I’ve faced similar challenges myself.I haven’t had a genuine, meaningful friendship in years, lived through abuse, struggle with depression, and have communication difficulties. I’m not sure if you need my advice or stories, but as Lennon said, 'Life is what happens to you while you busy making other plans.' My emotional well-being and quality of life improved when I stopped constantly searching or striving for something and instead focused on living in the moment. As corny as it may sound, happiness can be found in simple, everyday moments and in truly relishing the present
you have a really cool profile btw :3
by gobbledygook; ; Report
Kell satux
you cant have a painting all white and you cant have a painting all black"
i won't say things would get better because they dont mostly
best thing to do is appreciate what could not have happen i had the same issues looking at myself it didn't go away but i realized people dont or will or ever cared about what you do or look i think the media made it that life have to be perfect and all that shit life cannot be perfect and its ok appreciate little things do little things
this won't fix anything but i hope it would help in some way i guess